


Stronger

by kyloreid



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Force Bond, Force Dyad, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Loves OC, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Original Character is a badass, Original Character is sassy, Originally Posted on Wattpad, The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi - Freeform, The Rise of Skywalker - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 02:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23004598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyloreid/pseuds/kyloreid
Summary: astrid, better known as AT-1137 was taken from her unknown home planet at a young age. from that point on, she was trained to be a stormtrooper; a killing machine, and she was a damn good one at that. her strength was well known among the order, but when kylo ren comes into contact with it, he senses something deeper... the force
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 10





	1. JAKKU

"REPORTS SAY THAT someone on this dust bowl has the map leading to luke skywalker. it is our mission to track them and the map down, then do as commander ren orders." captain phasma says, monotone through her mask.

her squadron nods, including four friends, AT-1137, AN-2332, EA-2348, and ON-2299. they hold their blasters in their arms and begin to walk aboard a transport. 

AT-1137 is captain phasma's star trooper, though aggressive and sarcastic, she's skilled and well respected. 

the lights inside the ship turn off as troopers depart from star killer base. the troopers all stand silently, and AT-1137 is thinking about their goals. she knows she will definitely have to kill, though she hates it, she always does what she is told.

they never erased her memory, but the name astrid has always stuck with her. she calls herself that, even to captain phasma, who has learned to deal with her outbursts and delusions. phasma could kill her too, if she wasn't one of the best troopers she's ever had.

the trooper in front of astrid is shaking, probably their first battle they have ever been in. astrid puts her gloved hand on their shoulder. 

"you'll be alright. just do what you're told." she says, voice altered slightly through the mask. they nod and their body slowly stops shaking, though she does not remove her hand for the whole flight.

everyone jolts foreword as the transport lands on the ground. the door latches open and drops to the ground. all troopers charge out with blasters in hand and being shooting at citizens. astrid stays behind to speak to phasma. 

"where are we?" she asks her captain. 

"jakku. now, can you do your job?" phasma demands.

astrid nods and runs off into in the small village. she aims her blaster at someone and strikes them in the chest. running off, she sees an x-wing and a man running away from it.

"resistance fighter..." she whispers

"i found an x-wing, let's blow this up so they can't leave." she repeats to other troopers. 

they nod and begin blasting. astrid follows the man and sees him holding a blaster, shooting. she sneaks down for cover and aims at him, but is taken aback by kylo ren's cruiser touching down. he steps out and walks toward an older man. astrid sees the younger man turn his blaster toward her commander and she acts. she jumps over her cover and toward the man, but he fires. she drops her blaster and reaches her hand out, as if that would do anything, and closes her eyes.

after a few seconds, she opens her eyes to see kylo ren staring at her, his hand also outstretched. the blaster bullet has been stopped midair. you see him say something to the elder man, as other troopers then shoot him. you both drop your hands and the blaster bullet shoots off into the distance. astrid turns and sees the younger man who shot at ren being captured. 

kylo is still walking towards her and her heart is in her throat. "captain!" he yells.

astrid jumps slightly, never hearing him speak before, and being surprised what came out of the mask. captain phasma approaches him, blaster tight to her chest.

astrid watches the two speak. the captain approaches astrid and takes her blaster. astrid gasps as the captain also grabs her arm.

"what's going on?!" astrid asks, fearful.

"commander ren wants to speak to you. i'm taking you to an interrogation room aboard his ship." phasma says, leading astrid up the ramp of the spacecraft.

astrid has a million questions running through her mind. what happened? what did she do? is kylo ren going to kill her? is he happy with her? is he going to take his mask off? is he going to yell? is—

phasma opens a door and pushes astrid in, and closes it behind her. the room is small, there's a menacing interrogation chair, a chrome bench, and a small table. astrid sits on the bench and takes off her helmet, tugging her hair out of its low bun and running her fingers through it.

the cruiser takes off as the fleet retreats from jakku. kylo ren walks down the hall, to meet captain phasma and general hux outside of astrid's interrogation room. 

"captain. you've worked with that trooper for a few years. what do i need to know?" kylo ren asks.

"her name is AT-1137, but she feels the need to give herself a name. she calls herself astrid, says it resonates with her. she was very young when we took her from her family. they didn't erase her memories, so i imagine she knows some information about her life. she's loyal, determined, honest, aggressive, brave, skilled..." the captain is cut off.

"there's a but isn't there?" general hux interrupts.

"she's sarcastic, a nuisance sometimes. she wants her way. she can be too gentle. she has made friends with almost all of the squadron, and mourns all their deaths." 

"thank you captain. general. i'd like to speak with her alone." ren says, as the two walk off. 

astrid looks up as the door slides open. she feels her heart rate excel as the man in black walks toward her. he forces her to her feet and holds her head in place so she cannot avert his eyes. 

"who gave you permission to remove that helmet." kylo snaps.

astrid rolls her eyes. "i wanted to watch you kill me."

kylo drops her and she falls back onto the bench. he reaches up to his face and astrid watches with curious eyes, not sure what to expect.

her commander unhooks his mask, the front goes up for easier access and it hisses. he takes it off and sets it on the table. he shakes his head to free his raven hair from being trapped inside the mask.

astrid doesn't take her eyes away from him as he grabs a chair and sits across from her. kylo can hear her thoughts, the fear running through them, and the shock of his appearance.

kylo was taken aback by astrid's appearance as well. she's almost as tall as him, with strong facial features like himself. her long black hair is in ringlets around her white uniform. he has never seen someone so appealing since he was young.

he reaches his hand out. "AT-1137 —"

"my name is astrid." she says, glaring at kylo and his outstretched hand.

"i'll call you whatever i want. now shut up before i change my mind." he sighs and closes his eyes, pausing to regain his train of thought.

"you are strong with the force. i wish i had known of you years ago. we could have ruled the galaxy by now." astrid's eyes race over his features, trying to hold her tongue and see what the man before her wants.

"i want you to join me. be my apprentice. you will learn the ways of the force. i'll train you to be a fighter. you already have so much potential. you stopped that bullet from harming me. i sensed it coming but you were able to harness your energy into stopping it. without training. i can't begin to imagine you with my help." kylo continues, a small smirk appearing on his face.

"what about all of my stormtrooper training? captain phasma said—" she begins, only to be cut off.

"screw that!" he yells, standing up and walking around the room, boots clanking on the floor.

"you can be so much with me. you'll have your own quarters, you'll get a lightsaber —" kylo senses astrid next to him, almost at his eye level.

"can i keep my blaster?" she asks, her voice quiet.

"okay." is all he says, holding out his hand to her once again. and this time astrid takes his gloved hand.


	2. THE SUPREME LEADER

THE TWO FORCE users still stand in the interrogation room.

"i will need to speak with supreme leader snoke. he should know of your presence if he wasn't already. gather your things from your room so you can be moved to your new quarters." ren says, putting his mask back on.

he slides open the door and walks out. astrid grabs her helmet and walks down the finalizar halls and to the landing dock. she shivers and puts on her helmet as she walks to her shared quarters with other stormtroopers on starkiller.

"astrid!" her friends yell. 

she takes off her helmet and white armor, leaving her in black leggings and a black tank top. astrid smiles and engulfs her friends in a big hug. AN-2332 or allana, EA-2348 or ezra and ON-2299 or owen. they named themselves as well as astrid, but they only use them amongst themselves.

"we thought you were dead. what happened?" ezra asks, eyes wide.

astrid forces out a laugh and shakes her head. "apparently kylo ren wants me to be his apprentice? he was telling me my potential cannot be wasted and all that." 

allana gasps and hits her shoulder. "astrid!! that's badass!" 

owen nods and smiles. "you deserve better than being a stormtrooper."

astrid blushes lightly and shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "i have to leave you guys though..."

the three friends' faces all fall. tears fall from astrid's eyes. she feels weak and angry. she wishes she could take them with her and save them from a possible death. 

"i'm here to take my things... i'm getting my own room and—"

"you're gonna be living the life!" owen exclaims with a smile.

he is about at the same amount of enthusiasm as astrid. she feels that he could take over her current position as being an amazing soldier.

astrid nods and walks over to her bed, grabbing some books from underneath it. she then walks over to a shared dresser and pulls out the few clothes that she owns. she closes the door and smiles small to her friends. they engulf her in one last hug.

"thank you all... i hope to see you again soon." astrid whispers.

"as do we" allana says, voice cracking.

everyone slowly pulls away from astrid. the door slides open and she takes one look back, before exiting her room for the last time. she decides not to wear her helmet this time as she walks back to the finalizer.

"AT-1137?" a stormtrooper asks, who is standing outside the door.

astrid nods and the trooper starts walking. she follows close behind, walking up the dock of the finalizer. he takes her through several corridors and narrow hallways, up an elevator, and down more hallways. he stops at a door and punches in a code. the door slides open and reveals a large room. astrid gasps and walks in, immediately dropping her stuff on the bed.

"you should change the punch in code. you can do it on your data pad on the counter. it's currently 2368. commander ren will come get you in an hour." and with that the trooper is gone.

the door closes behind him and astrid smiles, looking around the room. the bedroom is double the size of her shared quarters with her friends, and there's a small table with chairs by the door. to the left is a small kitchenette and to the right is a huge bathroom. she walks into the bathroom and switches on the light. black and white marble tile coats the walls and black tile covers the floors of the entire room. the shower is what makes astrid stop and stare. the glass, several intricate valves, and large bench inside are much different than the small narrow shower with a curtain that she shared with her roommates. 

astrid strips of her clothes and climbs inside. she turns on the water and it's instantly warm. it took minutes to get warm water back in her room and sometimes she never even got it. she runs her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes. the warm water engulfs her and she sinks to her knees, trying to process all of today's events.

'i never even knew of the force being inside me... how has it stayed hidden for so long?'

astrid does not want to make kylo ren wait. she quickly washes her hair and body, turning off the shower afterwards. she wipes the mirrors above the sink with her hand and looks at her reflection. her black hair trails down her back and shoulders and her green eyes wander. scars trail her body from being beat as a disobedient child and even as recent as a few months ago. she dries off and slips on a black sweater and black leggings, with combat boots. she goes to sit on the massive bed when there is a knock on the door. astrid slides it open to reveal kylo.

he looks down at her. "we'll need to get you some tunics. this will have to do to meet the supreme leader." 

astrid nods slowly and closes the door behind her. the two walk side by side down the hallway. generals and stormtroopers salute or stop to watch the two walk together. astrid can hear their thoughts.

'who's the girl with kylo ren?' 'did he rent a girl and he's escorting her out?' 'she's beautiful. who is she?' 'does the commander have a girlfriend?'

astrid stops and leans against a wall, holding her head in her hands. kylo notices she stopped walking and turns around, walking over to her.

"just ignore them." he says, astrid cannot tell what his tone was supposed to be due to the mask altering his voice. "you'll get used to them, saying things about you."

astrid looks up and nods, walking next to kylo once again. they enter an elevator and kylo pushes the top button. astrid feels intimidated by the man standing next to her. her mind then wanders to the fact that she's meeting another intimidating figure, supreme leader snoke. she looks around the elevator, trying to distract herself.

"advice." kylo says. "only speak when spoken to. bow to him. be honest."

"okay. got it." astrid says.

the doors of the elevator open, and the two walk out. kylo stops and turns to astrid. "don't lose that attitude you've had as a stormtrooper. i'm sure it'll be useful."

they walk down a hallway to glass doors. guards open them and they walk in. astrid looks around in awe. the walls are red as are the guards in the room. kylo leads across a bridge into the center of the room. kylo gets down on his knees and astrid follows, as a buzz of a hologram is heard. 

"commander ren. to what do i owe the pleasure?" an eerie voice asks.

out of the corner of her eye, astrid sees kylo get up. "supreme leader. i bring you the girl i learned of with the force. AT-1137, i have deemed her astrid." kylo says.

the supreme leader inhales a breath and then speaks. "look up child. i want to see you." 

astrid quickly looks up at the hologram. the supreme leader barely looks human, his face is deformed and he appears as eerie as he sounds. the supreme leader smirks as he looks over astrid. 

"obedient already. good." he says.

"ren. you will train her as often as possible. her potential should not have been wasted all these years. she needs to learn our way of the force." kylo nods and looks over at astrid, noticing her hands shaking.

"i have a warning for you child." snoke says.

astrid nods. "your defiance will aid you in your training, but it could also be your downfall. i'll check in soon."

with that, the supreme leader fades away. astrid gets up and quickly walks out of the room. kylo uses the force and stops her, holding her in place. astrid tries to fight it and winces. kylo grabs her arms with his gloved hands and releases the force hold on her.

"where do you think you're going?" he asks

"i need to get out of here. i want to go back to my room." she snaps, glaring at him.

kylo is taken aback by her tone and releases her from his grip. one thing that manages to shock kylo is astrid's height. she must be about 5'10 while kylo stands at 6'3. 

"watch your tone with me." he snaps back.

the glass doors open and the two walk into the elevator. the tension inside was unbearable, kylo sighs and speaks.

"0500 hours. we will being training, make sure you get rest." 

astrid scoffs but nods. kylo speaks again "how do you like your room?"

astrid is confused by ren's human question. she shrugs "it's better than all of the rooms i've been in my entire life."

"i see you took a shower. did you see the bathtub? you've never used one before i assume?" 

astrid furrows her brows but shakes her head. "no... i was too distracted by all the shower valves"

under kylo's mask, he cracks a small smile, but his exterior remains the same. "i'm sure. well, training is going to be exhausting. you'll be using it a lot i'm sure of it. tomorrow we will also get you fitted for new armor, gloves, a mask—"

"i don't want a mask." astrid interrupts.

"why not?" the elevator opens and the two walk out. 

"because. i want the people i kill to know who they're being killed by. i don't want to conceal my identity." 

kylo nods. "i'll still have one made for you. you can choose not to wear it. you'll also get some new clothes."

astrid punches in her room code, propping the door open with her body and turning to kylo. "it's going to be weird for me. it'll be my first time sleeping alone."

kylo looks into her green eyes, emotionless he replies, "try and get some sleep."

astrid watches him walk away and she closes her door, throwing herself on her bed. her eyes instantly close as she drifts off to a painful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please give feedback!! <3


	3. WARMING UP

"C'MON GET UP!!!" is the first thing astrid hears when she opens her eyes.

standing above her, in her room, is kylo ren. his mask for once is not on his face, but astrid wishes it was. his cheeks are red with anger, his nostrils flared, eyes wide, and fists clenched at his sides.

astrid leaps up out of bed and is then picked up and thrown across her room. her back hits the bathroom door as does her head and she winces, rubbing her eyes.

kylo walks swiftly across the room and glares at the girl on the floor. "i told you to be ready at 0500. it's 0545!" he yells

astrid rolls her eyes. "isn't that early for someone trying to adjust to a new life? also you're grumpy.."

her attitude is something kylo will never get used to. he likes it, but not today. she's already on his nerves and he was up late after meeting with the supreme leader and then interrogating poe dameron.

he managed to get out of him where the piece of the map leading to luke skywalker was, in a bb-8 orange and white droid. he also had to deal with another stormtrooper, FN-2187 not doing his job while on jakku. 

kylo almost wanted to thank poe for shooting at him. he would have never known of astrid if it wasn't for him. of course, he didn't.

"let me get dressed. i'll be right out." astrid groans

kylo nods and leaves the room. astrid puts on a tank top, jacket, new leggings and her boots. she puts her hair in a ponytail and grabs her blaster before leaving her room. she knows the ship is somewhere in the galaxy, most likely back by jakku to track down that map they were looking for.

"today we were supposed to begin training, but we have business to attend to." kylo says, and leads astrid down the hall for a while and into a room. it's large with mats, punching bags, targets, a table and a black chair that looks really comfortable. 

"when we have time to train, we will be in here. right now you're going to get fitted for new clothes like we talked about yesterday." astrid nods and continues to follow kylo around like a child.

the two go into the lower levels of the finalizer. kylo opens a set of doors to a fabric filled room. several women are inside sewing and working. kylo turns to astrid. "i'll come get you in an hour or so. don't enjoy this too much."

he walks away and closes the door, astrid turns around and is immediately ambushed by measuring tapes and women. one stands in front of astrid with a cape in her arms. she holds it up and astrid almost falls over. 

the underside of the cape is a dark red velvet, while the rest is black with glimmers of reflective material in it. astrid smiles the most she has in days.

"i love it." she says

the woman nods. "commander ren had it custom made for you."

astrid rolls her eyes. "of course he did. he's trying to please me."

the woman walks away and puts the cape on a mannequin, wheeling it over in front of astrid. astrid observes the outfit. the black tunic looks like it will hug her curves. the belt is the same as kylo's but astrid's has a spot for both a blaster and a lightsaber. the pants look like leggings, but made of a more sturdy material. leather gloves accompany the rest of the outfit. 

"thank you for working on this. it's all amazing." the women nod silently and walk away, allowing astrid to look even closer at her new outfit. she strips of current clothes and puts everything on. she feels elegant, powerful. she's admiring herself in the mirror when kylo walks back in. he rips off his helmet and throws it on the ground, causing astrid to jump and turn around. 

"what's wrong?" she asks.

"the prisoner escaped." he almost growls.

astrid walks toward him and frowns. "how is that possible?"

"he had help. that damn stormtrooper —"

"what stormtrooper?"

kylo sighs. "do you like you cape?"

"changing the subject huh? commander i think i deserve to know what's going on." astrid snaps

he kicks his helmet and runs his gloved hands through his wavy locks. "there was a trooper on jakku. i sensed nonconformity in him, he was sent to reconditioning. he escorted the prisoner out of here without a second glance from any of those fools!"

astrid had heard of kylo ren's temper. she didn't want to see it so soon. "they flew out of here in a tie fighter. they crashed on jakku and reinforcements are on their way. the droid the prisoner told me about will be with them i just know it!"

"of course they will." astrid responds 

"we're you done here?" kylo asks

astrid nods. "drop the extra clothes in her room." kylo says loud enough that wherever the women are, they could hear him, picking up his mask and then placing it on his head. 

the two exit the room and walk up to the observation deck of the finalizer. astrid sees tie fighters and transports racing down to jakku. astrid puts the hood up on her cape and watches the barrage of space crafts. kylo puts a hand on astrid's shoulder and a crackle of electricity runs from his hand, into her arm. astrid gasps and looks at kylo. under his mask, kylo is in awe. they've barely known each other for 24 hours and their bond is so strong. 

"our bond is very strong already. you must trust me." kylo says, looking through his mask into astrid's green eyes.

"one thing we will be covering is our bond..."

'can you hear me?' kylo echos in her mind

"yes" astrid says aloud.

'no. respond with your mind. pull all your energy into those words and reach my mind.'

astrid closes her eyes. her body shakes as she drowns out all of the noises aboard the ship. she can hear kylo's breathing, his steady heartbeat, her rapid breathing and accelerated heart rate. 

'hi' she says to him

"good. that's really good. we can talk to each other no matter where we are now." he says, but mutters "i hope." under his breath

astrid opens her eyes. kylo is standing only inches apart from her. his heart is pounding, he feels something he hasn't felt since he was a young padawan under his uncle's training. 

he feels content. 

like he isn't in charge of the order or eliminating the resistance.

"commander." a man in uniform approaches you two

kylo swiftly moves away from you, directing his attention to the man. "sir... i have-" 

the man is incredibly nervous around kylo. he is an intimidating figure. the man gulps looking at astrid. "sir is she-?"

"she will be briefed on all information from this point forward. she's my right hand now." kylo responds, knowing the man's question.

he nods, then continues. "we were unable to acquire the droid on jakku..."

astrid watches kylo careful as she can hear his breathing accelerate and his hand reach toward the hilt of his lightsaber.

"it escaped capture aboard a stolen corellian yt model frighter."

"the droid... stole a frighter?" kylo asks, turning his back to the man

astrid cracks a smile, watching the man's anxiety worsen by ren's words. 

"not exactly sir. it had help." this peaks kylo's attention, he turns around slowly

"we have no confirmation but we believe FN-2187 may have helped in the escape." and with that, astrid senses kylo grabbing his saber.

she jumps back as he rips it off his belt, ignites it, and begins slashing away at a control panel. over and over the cherry red saber emits sparks of electricity out of the panels. small fire is burning as kylo deactivates his saber. the man flinched with every swing kylo made. 

"anything else?" kylo inquires

"the two were accompanied by a girl." with that the man is in kylo's grasp.

he uses the force to simultaneously choke and grab him. once the man comes into contact with kylo's hand, feet off the floor, kylo asks, "what girl?"

the man gasps for air. astrid sighs and walks over to kylo. "he can't tell you with your hand choking him out."

kylo's jaw clenches as he drops the man, who falls to his feet gasping for air. "s-she appears to be a nobody... a scavenger..."

"get out of here before i kill you. and have someone clean up this mess." kylo turns back around, staring at his destruction.

the man quickly runs out of the room. astrid scoffs and glares at kylo. "was all that necessary? the man was doing his job."

"he did nothing. they failed me! and the supreme leader!" kylo snaps

astrid rolls her eyes. "whatever you say. are we done?" 

stormtroopers have entered the room now, to clean up the mess. kylo swiftly walks out of the room, boots clanking on the floor. astrid follows him, hearing the thoughts of a trooper, 'kylo ren is such a child.'

while walking, kylo feels a presence. one he hasn't felt since he was a child. he stops dead in his tracks and says, "astrid? can you handle going out on your own? i have a mission for you."


	4. TAKODONA

ASTRID LOOKS AT kylo in awe, but nods quickly. "yes commander. what would you like me to do?"

"i sense the group is heading to a planet called takodona. i want you to go ahead of the order, report what they are doing..." kylo grabs her arm and pulls her into a room and closes the door.

it appears to be a control room, but no one is inside. his mask comes off with a hiss and takes astrid by surprise.

"sorry. i just hate the damn thing sometimes." he mutters

"anyways." he continues. "don't engage. i know you'll want to, but you're not ready yet."

"i've been in battles before, i can handle myself." 

"with backup. with help. there will be no one there until we engage."

astrid soaks in kylo's features. his deep voice, his dark brown eyes, his nose with the crook in it where it must have been broken, his pink and full lips, the moles and freckles dotting his pale skin. a blush rises to her face as she realizes she's been staring too long.

'your thoughts are loud. and yes, you were staring too long.' ren pushes the words into her mind

'sorry. it's just hard to look at you with that mask.' she pushes back

kylo wants to stare at her too. stars, she has to be the most beautiful woman in the entire galaxy, he can feel his heart melting for her. he feels a pull to the light when he looks in her green eyes. he feels a need to protect her, though he thinks she can handle herself.

"i can handle myself. you have nothing to worry about sir." it's kylo's turn to blush, but it quickly fades as anger rises within him

"do not go in my head ever again, got it?!" he yells

astrid jumps, but nods. memories of reconditioning, being beat for misbehaving, for cracking a small joke, even for something as simple as needing to use the bathroom. tears prick her eyes, she wants to run. 

as she's reliving the memories, kylo can see them all, like he was right there beside her. he can feel the fear radiating off her like heat. kylo quickly puts on his mask, hiding his emotions. "loading bay. follow me."

he opens the door as astrid wipes a single tear that fell from her eye. the loading bay never seems to be still. generals and troopers and pilots walk with dignity. kylo walks up to a pilot. "i need you to bring my apprentice to takodona."

the pilot nods and gets aboard a tie fighter. kylo looks at astrid. "don't do anything stupid."

astrid scoffs. "relax. i'll see you."

she gets in the back of the fighter and buckles up. the door closes and the ship quickly departs. astrid has never seen space besides from the finalizer and is in awe. her mouth drops as the ship jumps into light speed. the intense power affecting the ship jolts her into the seat. she lets out a laugh and screams with joy. soon they're jolted forward and astrid is blinded by the green trees. the tie fighter lands quickly and astrid unbuckles. 

"thank you." she says to the pilot

they say nothing and she steps out of the craft. there are not many people at the loading docks, so no one really notices astrid getting off. she sees a castle with a statue of a woman from a strange species. 

astrid senses kylo's presence. she can almost see him standing in front of her, which is something she was unaware of being able to do. 'they should be reaching there soon. they're aboard a very old resistance ship, the millennium falcon.'

'that sounds familiar...' astrid responds.

'it should. go into the castle. don't speak to anyone. you have your blaster loaded right?' 

'of course i do. it's always ready to fire.'

'good. oh, don't be alarmed when the planets around start blowing up, we're testing starkiller's power on the last of the republic. i'm watching them charge it right now.' kylo says seeming bored

'wait a minute. innocent people are going to die, kylo.' anger floods astrid's veins, her heart beats faster and her jaw clenches.

'they need to. they all need to die.' 

'no they don't!' tears prick astrid's eyes. 

she feels pressure on her throat. he's choking me... she thinks to herself.

'i know what is right! do not underestimate me and my ideas! with them still alive we cannot gain control!' he lets go of her throat and disappears.

if astrid gets annoyed and pissed off, her anger takes control. until it dissipates, there's nothing she can do to stop it. fuck kylo's orders not to get involved, she'll do what she wants. kylo walks out of his quarters. he runs into a general, who he pulls aside. "prepare for a ground and air invasion of takodona. and fast."

******

walking through the doors of the cantina like atmosphere, astrid is bombarded by sounds and smells she's never experienced. so many different dialects of language, so many foods and drinks and people, so many things to do. she immediately wants to forget about her task, but she maintains focus. she sneaks to the back of the bar, leaning against a wall. she tries to connect to kylo, but he blocks her out. she sighs and notices men staring at her. she rolls her eyes and they let out sinister laughs. mellow music plays all around but is halted to a stop when she hears someone yell a name.

"han solo!"

everyone turns to the doors. astrid grabs her blaster pistol, but realizes she does not need to remove it from it's holster. the music begins again and so does the chatter around her. she sees it. the droid, along with an older man, a girl, a wookiee, and—

astrid looks at the other man with them. his posture reminds her of someone. he seems so familiar... and then she realizes, it's the stormtrooper from the transport. the one i comforted. 

they sit down at a table, along with the creature who yelled the name. they speak for a long time. astrid keeps trying to reach kylo, doing everything she can, but he is still ignoring her. she watches the stormtrooper stand up, and the girl follow him. she moves closer to where they end up talking, trying to disguise her presence. 

"my first battle, i made a choice. i wasn't gonna kill for them. so i ran, right into you. and you looked at me like no one ever had." he says

astrid had heard enough. she sneaked away, due to a calling. she heard a voice, saying her name. she followed it, towards the back of the castle, down into the basement. not only does she hear a voice calling for her, but for someone else. 

"rey..." it says

astrid frowns and sneaks around a corner, as she hears the droid thump down the stairs, followed by the girl, who must be named rey. astrid watches her open a door and go inside. then the owner of this place, comes down to follow her, waiting by the door for rey to come out. 

'astrid... what are you doing?' kylo asks.

astrid ignores him, trying to see the woman interacting with rey. rey runs off, angry. astrid goes to follow her, but her boots make a noise on the tile floor.

"fuck..." astrid whispers.

the woman stops, raises her hands to her glasses, increasing the zoom on them. astrid has her hand on her blaster as she steps out of the shadows. "c-cassie?" 

astrid frowns. "i think you have the wrong person..." 

"n-no... you're cassiopeia... your mother was solstice nwython. her and i were very close... she married—" the woman stops, noticing astrid's hand on her blaster.

"you're with the first order..." the stranger says

she walks closer to astrid, who removes the pistol from it's holster. "don't come any closer to me! i'll shoot you!"

"no child... you wouldn't shoot me... but you have no idea who you are. you're on the wrong side... obi wan would be so upset to see his granddaughter on this side... the side he tried to save anakin from." 

"you sound crazy, lady. i don't know of a cassiopeia or a solstice or an obi wan or any of this!" astrid yells.

her blaster is shaking in her hand, finger rested on the trigger. the woman sighs. 

"cassie... you'll remember all of it... when i heard of your parent's passing, i was heartbroken. they were my closest friends. they wanted me to raise you, but i didn't want you growing up here. jubei, your father... he did everything he could to protect you from the dark. it found you anyways..." 

all of a sudden, the building shakes. "cassie. you'll do what is right."

with that, the woman walks off. astrid runs outside, seeing destruction in the skies, and the rumble of tie fighters. astrid's hood has fallen, her identity revealed. find the girl... the droid will be with her... astrid thinks to herself.

she closes her eyes among the chaos, then she feels it. a strong heartbeat, panting, running, leaves rustling... she opens her eyes, and runs to the forest. she jumps over roots and runs down hills, until she sees her. the girl in her white clothes, plagued by dirt from jakku. the girl is bent down, talking to the droid. astrid smirks and approaches, but the droid speeds off. rey senses astrid, and goes to shoot a blaster, but astrid uses the force. the gun flies toward astrid, who catches it in her other hand. rey goes to run, but astrid holds her in place.

"p-please, just leave me alone! i just want to go back to jakku. i want no part in this!" rey yells

astrid stands next to her. she can hear rey's thoughts, racing around her mind. she's afraid of astrid, who is intimidating in all black and because of her height. astrid gets in rey's face, inches from her and whispers, "where did you send the droid?"

rey shivers, looking into astrid's eyes. she shakes her head. "i-i can't tell you... he's far from you though."

astrid scoffs and backs away. "i'm not going to let you go. i've been watching you. the droid trusts you. bring it back here."

rey shakes her head. "i-i don't know how... what? do you want the map? i've seen it!" 

astrid drops both blasters to her sides and smirks. "then you're all i need." 

she steps close to rey again and whispers, "i'll make a deal with you. you tell us what the map has on it, and i will personally escort you back to jakku. deal?"

rey nods quickly. astrid releases her force hold on her. "put your hands behind your head. you'll be boarding a first order ship. if you do anything sudden, i'll put a bullet through your skull." 

rey nods again and does what astrid says, walking back through the woods. astrid senses kylo, leading rey to him. they come out into the rubble of the castle. astrid sees kylo, standing among the chaos, obviously looking for astrid. he soon turns around and stomps toward her. a transport is open and astrid escorts rey into it, but kylo waves his hand over her head which knocks her unconscious. he sweeps her up before she falls onto the ground and astrid scoffs. 

"what the hell? i had it under control." she snaps

kylo says nothing. he just walks onto the transport. he sets rey on the ground. astrid puts the safety on both blasters and crosses her arms. the transport closes and kylo takes off his mask. obvious anger floods his face. she even thinks there's tears threatening to fall behind his eyes.

"i gave you an order! you were not to engage, and just observe the surroundings. you screwed this up! you're an idiot!" he booms

"i manipulated her without any training! she thinks that i'll take her home after this! she's seen the map kylo, she knows more than you think!" astrid yells back

she just wants to lay down on her bed and sleep. she's exhausted. she's angry. she's heartbroken. she feels proud but also like a disappointment. 

"who am i, kylo?" astrid asks quietly, looking at her boots

"what does that have to do with this? don't change the subject!" astrid looks up at him, tears in her eyes.

"what are talking about? i try to ask you things and you change the subject too. shut up, bitch!" kylo is in astrid's face.

her back is pressed against the cold metal wall of the transport. he's inches from her, and she feels his spit on her face. she wipes her face with a gloved hand and shoves him away from her. 

"leave me alone..." her voice cracks and she turns to the slumped girl on the ground. 

"astrid—" kylo regrets everything. 

his anger from seeing his father ruined him once again. but instead of pulling him toward the light, he became more dark. the second the insult left his lips, his heart panged with guilt. he wanted to apologize, hug her, tell her how well she did. that he wouldn't have turned to manipulation, but just used his strength to bring rey down. he wouldn't have known that she had seen the map and that they didn't even need the droid. 

the transport lands on starkiller and the second the ramp hits the ground, astrid runs out.


	5. COMFORT

ASTRID THROWS HERSELF on her bed, body shaking with anger and sadness and anxiety. she tears off her cape and boots, and screams. she screams for as long as she can until she feels her throat go numb. she hates this. she hates kylo. she hates the first order. she hates this war. 

she wants to go back to her friends and being alongside captain phasma. kylo is making her question everything. 

a knock echoes on her door. she sniffles and wipes her eyes. she walks to the door and opens it. it's two stormtroopers. they walk in and remove their helmets as soon as the door closes. astrid frowns as soon as she realizes it's only ezra and owen who enter her room.

"a-allana?" astrid chokes out.

they both shake their heads, looking down at the ground. astrid falls to her knees and begins to sob. her best friend was killed. her and allana had been inseparable since they were roomed together. they goofed off together, ate every meal together, even shared a kiss or two. astrid's body shakes with sobs.

meanwhile, kylo stands outside the interrogation room rey is in. pain is felt in his heart and he clutches his chest. he knows it's astrid, she's hurting. the words uttered by the scavenger dance around his mind. "a creature in a mask." and "you're afraid you'll never be as strong as darth vadar." but he was most surprised, by her strength in the force. his mind was torn, go see astrid or ask supreme leader for guidance. 

he decided to quickly visit the supreme leader. snoke has never let him down when his brain was a mess, so he'll rely on him now. 

when he walked into see snoke, he could sense his anger. he explained rey's resistance, but also her potential. 

"the droid?" snoke asks

"ren's apprentice thought that the girl could have been enough, so they didn't even try. AT-1137 should not have been out in the field. she was a stormtrooper, not a general." the voice of general hux says from behind him.

snoke sighs. "supreme leader, i told her not to engage. she was supposed to wait for my guidance. i apologize, but i need your guidance now sir. what shall i do now?" kylo asks

"we tracked the resistance to the ileenium system. we can destroy them." hux says, a smirk on his lips.

snoke nods and hux leaves. kylo looks up at snoke. he feels like a child. "i have a question to ask of you, sir."

"yes?" he asks.

"astrid is angry with me. but our bond is still strong. how do i fix things? i don't want her to turn... she bonded with the scavenger. she was able to manipulate her without training, we can't lose that!"

the supreme leader shakes his head. "she'll come around. but she's been awakened of her origins. do not tell her anything. that will be her pull to the light." 

kylo nods. "thank you sir."

kylo walks out of the chambers and toward astrid's. he needs to apologize. he needs to tell her what she's discovered. he walks to the door, and guesses if she's changed her door code. of course, she has not and he walks right in. her cape and boots are by the bed, and clothes are thrown around the room. the sheets are ripped off the bed. he peers into the kitchen and sees broken bowls and cups on the floor. kylo sets his mask down on the counter and sighs. 

one thing remains untouched. he requested astrid get bubble bath soaps and other luxurious materials. the basket is still put together, with kylo's handwritten note inside. he looks at his words and smiles small, reading them over. "here's something to help you to help me take over the galaxy"

kylo takes off his boots by the door, and walks toward the bathroom. he hears the shower running and knocks quietly on the door.

astrid jumps up off the shower bench, wiping the tears from her face. "y-yes?" she yells over the water

"hey... it's kylo. can we talk?" he asks

"go away." astrid says quickly, sitting back down on the bench. 

the door opens and astrid screams, turning her back to him. she pulls her legs to her chest and kylo quickly turns away, face red from embarrassment.

"i'm sorry... i didn't know you'd—"

"be naked?! it's a bathroom kylo!" astrid yells.

kylo presses his back the glass, slinking to the floor and looking at his gloved hands. he quickly takes them off and throws them on the floor. he runs his hands through his hair.

"im sorry i called you names... i would never have been able to do what you did without proper training. i-i admire you for that." kylo whispers

"did you just give me a compliment?" astrid asks with a laugh

kylo chuckles lightly and nods. "i guess i did. don't get used to it, they don't come often."

astrid turns around to see kylo's back to the glass. she blushes and quickly washes the soap off of her body and out of her hair. kylo turns slowly and looks at astrid. her eyes are closed, lips parted with water dripping down her face. her toned muscles in her arms and stomach catch his attention first, but he stares longer and soon sees the dozens; maybe even more than a dozen scars, on her arms and chest. there is a huge scar on her left wrist, like someone tried to cut her hand off. 

"admiring my breasts huh?" she asks, green eyes staring into his brown ones.

"i'm sorry. i-i..." he chokes on his words.

she turns off the water and kylo hands her a towel. she wraps it around her chest and opens the shower door. she then sits on the floor next to kylo. he grabs her hand and looks at her wrist. 

"i was 13. i wanted more food once. they were going to cut my hand off as punishment, but captain phasma said a stormtrooper with one hand wouldn't be adequate. she kinda saved my life that day." astrid whispers

kylo's fingers trail along the white line. he looks at the other scars on her arms, then makes her turn around. astrid closes her eyes and drops her towel to reveal, at least 30 scars of varying lengths. he's especially mesmerized by one that stretches the length of her spine. he touches it and astrid flinches. 

"electric currents were run through me for two days. i was starved. i'm lucky i survived that..."

"i don't know what to say..." kylo whispers.

astrid covers herself again and turns to face kylo. her eyes race over his features. she has never felt like this in her entire life. her emotions are so high and so are kylo's. he can't believe he's sitting in a room with a beautiful girl, who's naked body is separated by a towel, and who he met 24 hours ago...

instinctively, he takes his hand and strokes her cheek. it's been so long since he's had emotions over someone. he doesn't want this moment to end, who cares about the scavenger or his father or anything going on. he just wants to stay here with the beautiful girl in front of him. his thumb strokes her cheekbone and astrid's face is red with blush.

"i didn't mean to call you a bitch... my father—" kylo sighs. "i haven't seen my father in years... and he was there. i just got, so angry."

astrid frowns and puts her hand on top of his. "i've had worse done to me, you've seen it. i was just upset you didn't believe in me."

"general hux doesn't. he blames you for everything... but i have no reason to."

"he's an idiot. he's easy to manipulate and he's cocky. i hate him." astrid says, moving from kylo's hand

she stands up and begins to get dressed. kylo looks at his hands, the one that was on astrid's face tingles, force energy radiating through it. astrid has on her undergarments and is pulling on her pants when kylo stands up. astrid looks up at him as he closes  
the gap between them, he puts his hand on her face once again.

kylo isn't thinking straight. he just in awe of astrid. astrid is in awe of kylo as well. she's trying to find where he's coming from, a sign as to what he's doing, but she can't find it. she pulls one piece out of his head, 'you're beautiful...' 

"kylo..." astrid whispers, his forehead resting on her's.

he looks nervous, as he leans into her lips. astrid's mind is racing, but she leans in too. their lips press together. a quick kiss, astrid tries to deepen it but kylo pulls away. his nose bumps hers. 

"we should go... we have to go... the resistance is coming..." he whispers

astrid nods and puts her hands in kylo's wavy locks. she twirls a strand around her finger. kylo walks out of the bathroom and picks up astrid's cape. she's finished getting dressed and kylo stands behind her, tieing it around her. astrid turns around when he's done and wraps her arms around his toned and large chest. kylo's hands are at his sides, then he slowly wraps them around astrid's small body. 

"i'll listen to you now." astrid says softly 

kylo pulls away and looks at her. "you know more than i thought."

astrid smiles. "i am smart you know, i can actually use a blaster too." 

kylo shakes his head, a small smile appearing on his face. astrid walks to her bed and slips on her boots. "i need you to keep me focused... i have something i need to do. i can't get distracted by my father or the scavenger—"

"who's your father?" astrid asks

kylo sighs. he doesn't want to open up to her, but she opened up to him. it's the least he could do. "han solo."

astrid gasps, but then covers her mouth. "sorry it's just— you know... a guy from the resistance? i would have thought you came from first order royalty."

kylo nods, he's putting his gloves on. he looks in pain, but continues talking. "my uncle... he's luke skywalker. my mother..." he pauses and sighs. "my mother is leia organa. the general of the resistance."

"no way!! i remember learning of them, but i had no idea you were related." astrid exclaims.

kylo glares at her, putting a gloved finger up. "do not tell your stormtrooper friends about that. or our kiss."

"of course i won't." astrid says, a smile still on her face.

kylo slips on his boots and mask. "let's go." the change from his voice, to the altered one in the mask, returns astrid to her reality.

there's no way kylo meant that she was beautiful, or that they would kiss again. it was a child's kiss, an experiment. the force didn't act between the two of them, so it must have been nothing. astrid puts her blasters on her hips, still using the one she took from rey, and follows kylo out to the main command center and to the room where rey was. the door is open.

"no!" kylo yells, activating his saber.

astrid runs over to him, putting a gloved hand on his shoulder. "kylo! relax! we'll find her! she has no idea where she's going, she'll be easy to track. trust me..." 

he turns to astrid, cherry red saber still beaming with energy. her breathing is quick, and he turns off the weapon. astrid drops her hand and smiles. "alright. let's go to hux. give him a description of the girl to send out. everyone will be looking for her then." astrid frowns and looks at kylo again, then whispers "did you sense the force too?"

kylo nods. "that must be how she escaped."

astrid nods and sighs. "well, then you'll give the order that if anyone is to see her, that they will shoot. not to kill unless absolutely necessary though. we want to be able to use her... right?"

kylo smirks under the mask. "you're channeling the dark. you're understanding it. but i don't need to give the orders, you can. i'll back you up though."

astrid's eyes widen. "the general won't listen to me!"

"he will if i'm standing there next to you. plus, your attitude will come in handy." 

astrid shakes her head. "i hate my attitude, but alright." 

she runs ahead of kylo. she's been to the main control room before. she walks in and sees everyone working, typing away. the starkiller weapon is charging, astrid can see the energy being absorbed into it. 

"general hux." astrid squeaks out 

she was shocked at how quiet she was. hux turns around and scoffs. "AT-1137, what are—"

astrid walks up to him, taking her blaster out. "my name is astrid. you will address me as that, got it?"

hux nods, but she can hear his annoyance in his thoughts. he's only intimidated by the blaster, not the girl.

"your men need to be aware of the strength of this girl. they have orders to shoot on sight, not to kill, but to injure. they cannot listen to a thing she says. she will try and manipulate to get away. if she escapes, kill her." astrid orders, glaring at the pale red headed man in front of her. 

"i don't take orders from you, girl." he spits at her

"yes you do." the modulator of kylo ren's mask makes both of them jump

kylo stands behind astrid. hux scoffs and shakes his head. "since when?"

"since now." astrid says.

hux continues to shake his head, jaw clenched. "impossible. you jeopardized all of us on takodona, we will not take orders from you." then he mutters, "you're just a whore for kylo ren."

astrid grips his throat with the force, her green eyes have clouded over with anger. hux grabs at the invisible hands around his throat, pale skin turning red from lack of oxygen. her nostrils flare and her breathing is quick. she gets right in hux's face. a sinister smirk appears on her lips. kylo is in awe watching her. this is a whole different side of her, and he's in love with it.

"i have so much more authority over you then you'll ever know. you only got in this position because of your father. you're a weak coward and a fool. your men can't even capture a ball shaped droid. you're pathetic, you just don't want to take orders from someone who climbed higher faster than you ever could!" hux is barely breathing at this point.

astrid drops her grip and he falls to the ground, gasping for lungs full of air. astrid gets down on the floor next to him, and loads a bullet in the blaster chamber, pressing it to his skull. she bends down and whispers in his ear, "if you ever say anything like that to me again. i'll kill you."

she stands up and brushes off her knees. her cape flows elegantly behind her as she walks off, the smirk still on her face.


	6. SACRIFICE

KYLO FOLLOWS ASTRID and grabs her arm, quickly pulling her into a control room. he glares at the stormtroopers inside, who exit and close the door behind them. he rips off his mask and astrid bites her lip.

"that was... something." he says, a laugh echoing through the room

his laugh was beautiful. he's beautiful. astrid can't get over his appearance everytime the helmet comes off. the smile drops from his face, as he turns his back to her. he clenches his gloved hands into fists.

astrid frowns. "kylo... what is it?"

"they're here..." he whispers.

astrid nods. "so let's go then!"

kylo shakes his head, turning around to face her. "trust me please. listen to my orders this time."

astrid looks at his lips, then into his eyes. she nods and reaches for his hand, giving it a small squeeze. "you annoy me... but alright."

he shakes his head, grabbing his mask. he looks at it, sighs, and places it on his head. "maybe don't press a blaster to hux's head next time. i want to kill him too, but snoke wouldn't like it if he was dead."

astrid shakes her head, following the man dressed in black closely. they go down into the belly of starkiller. there's a long bridge and the room is dark. it's a wasteland. astrid senses a presence, but can not locate it. she shakes her head, looking to kylo for an order.

she can sense fear in him. anxiety. she reaches for his hand and squeezes it. he looks down at her. 'waiting for your lead.' she pushes into his mind.

he nods, walking down from the top of a stairwell, down to the bridge. stormtroopers were ordered to find the two and are running around searching everywhere. astrid's mind wanders to ezra and owen, and to rey. she's definitely no longer inside the base. 

kylo knows how close his father is. astrid is looking around, blaster in hand. she runs across the long bridge, careful not to fall off. she's almost to the other side, when she hears someone yell, "ben!"

astrid turns around. kylo is frozen, his back to his father. astrid looks at him, trying to figure out what kylo wants to do, but she senses nothing from him. 

everyone is aiming at han solo, especially astrid. she has no idea what he's done to kylo, or ben, in the past, but the idea of him hurting her master makes her furious. 

kylo turns around. "han solo. i've been waiting for this day for a long time."

han steps closer to kylo, astrid does too, not lowering her weapon. she hears a door open and looks up to a light from outside shining in the dark room. rey and the former stormtrooper wall in, watching what's playing out carefully. 

"take off that mask. you don't need it." han says sadly

"what do you think you'll see if i do?" kylo asks

"the face of my son."

astrid can sense the shock of everyone in the room, especially from rey. kylo reaches up and unhooks his mask, holding it in his hand while he stares at his father. she sees han's eyes begin to water, while she takes in the similarities of the two men. kylo definitely looks like his father, they both even hold themselves the same way. 

"your son is gone. he was weak and foolish, like his father. so i destroyed him." kylo's voice trembles slightly

astrid and han are probably the only two who notice that. with every exchange, han gets closer to kylo. she tries to see in kylo's mind, but it's a blank slate. she sighs and watches, feeling useless.

"that's what snoke wants you to believe... but it's not true. my son is alive." 

"no." kylo shakes his head. "the supreme leader is wise."

"snoke is using you for your power. when he gets what he wants, he'll crush you." han is inches from kylo, as is astrid.

she tries to search han's face for what kylo is feeling, but she can only sense one thing. regret. 

"you know it's true, ben..." han says quietly, then he makes eyes contact with astrid. "who's the girl?"

kylo jolts slightly, taken aback by han's question. he turns and looks at astrid, hurt in his eyes, then turns back around to his father. "she's my apprentice." 

"she's learning from a strong man..." a tear falls from han's eye.

'trust me...' kylo pushes into astrid's mind.

astrid looks around the room, before turning back to the men in front of her. "it's too late..." kylo whispers

han shakes his head. "no it's not. leave here with me. come home... your mother and i miss you."

astrid's mind races, trying to plague kylo's thoughts. there's a deadly silence in the room, when all of a sudden kylo speaks. his voice cracks, he must be crying.

"i'm being torn apart..." shock crosses han's features. "i want to be free of this pain."

another long silence before kylo sniffles. "i know what i have to do but i don't know if i have the strength to do it... will you help me?"

"yes anything..." han says

with a loud thud, kylo's helmet drops onto the bridge. astrid gasps. "kylo! what are you doing?!"

he ignores her, unhooking his lightsaber from his belt. kylo holds it out and han puts his hand on it. astrid's eyes fill with tears, she's going to lose him...

then his words plague her mind again. 'i told you to trust me.'

astrid wipes her eyes when she hears it. the energy crackling to life. the wookiee roars as she realizes...

kylo has his saber through his father's chest.

astrid cannot understand his intentions. if her parents were still alive, she would never even think of harming them, no matter how much she wanted to follow the path of the dark side. 

rey had screamed something, but astrid couldn't take her eyes off han. kylo pushes the saber deeper into his chest, kylo leans in and whispers something, but astrid cannot hear what it is. 

the saber is ripped from his chest. she watches han reach his hand up and touch his son's face, in almost the exact way kylo had touched astrid's earlier that day. she sees kylo lean away from the touch and his father fall of the bridge. 

astrid hadn't even noticed the ringing in her ears, her loud breaths, until han was no longer in sight. kylo stands there for a moment, almost in shock of what he did. astrid didn't even notice the tears that fell from her eyes until they hit her neck. another roar echoes in the oscillator and everything starts to flash before astrid's eyes. a roar, kylo clutching his chest, fire all around from stormtroopers, rey and FN-2187 firing, an explosion, kylo looking up at the two, him getting up and walking towards them.

"kylo! you're hurt!" astrid yells

"shut up!" he growls. "we need to kill them!"

astrid dodges a shot from the wookiee's bowcaster and follows behind kylo. "why did you kill him?"  
she can't stop herself from probing the question.

kylo ignores her and touches his stomach, blood coats his gloves and he shakes his head. the duo walks out into the woods, astrid still has not gotten off kylo's tail. he stops and turns to her.

"well? can you be useful?" he snaps

astrid nods, "what?"

"go for the traitor. i'll take the girl." 

astrid sees the two coming. she shoots at the former stormtrooper, but the bullet misses him. rey looks at him and he takes off from her hesitantly. he approaches astrid and the two stand yards apart. she notices the lightsaber in his hand.

'that's mine!' kylo yells in her head.

"that lightsaber belongs to my master." she says, weapon aimed.

the traitor ignites it, glaring at astrid. "who are you?" he asks.

she scoffs. "i told you to do what you were told! not what you wanted to do! you belonged to the order, FN-2187! i comforted you!"

he frowns, eyes widening. "how are you here now?"

"kylo ren saw something in me the others never did. i have so much power now. i'm so much stronger!" astrid smirks

"i'm stronger too!" he yells back. "i have a family, people i care about! i'm not just letters and numbers, i have a name! i'm finn now, and i'm with the resistance! nothing you say will stop me." 

he raises the lightsaber and charges at astrid. she jumps and flips in the air, landing up higher than finn. she aims at him and just misses his shoulder, but strikes his chest. he screams out in pain, but continues his pursuit. astrid almost slips on the snow. why starkiller had to be such a snowy and cold place...?

"fuck!" she screams. 

she got lost in her head and finn was right up by her, saber pressing into her arm. she wraps her arm around his and twists it, causing him to pull away. her skin burns, but she takes the pain and turns it to anger. she punches him in the throat and shoots him in the shoulder. he winces and falls to the ground, saber turning off and landing in the snow. astrid wishes that she had a saber of her own. 

meanwhile, kylo had been hitting his wound, blood falling into the snow. rey tried to attack, but kylo was too strong. he flung her into a nearby tree. 

astrid's scream made him limp towards her. he saw his uncle's saber being pressed into her skin, then her shooting the traitor in the shoulder. 

astrid reached out her hand, trying to pull the saber towards her. kylo watches and it shakes in the snow, trying to connect to astrid, to help it come to her. finn is slipping in and out of conscious, the blaster bullets effecting him tremendously. rey, on the other hand, is coming back to reality. she can see the three and astrid reaching for the saber. she proceeds to try and get it to come to her, channeling her energy into the idea. 

all of a sudden, the saber flies up, past kylo and into rey's hand. astrid feels even more rage build up inside her. she charges at rey, who runs at her. 

"you're a liar!!!" rey yells

astrid's eyes widen, she reaches her hand out to try and push rey away, but it's too late. she's already too strong. the saber pushes into astrid's leg and she falls to the ground.

kylo feels another pang in his heart. he ignites his saber and clashes with rey. before astrid slips out of consciousness, she sounds out a distress signal. 

kylo tries to fight rey, and then to get her on his side, but he fails. starkiller begins to collapse as he soon realizes the resistance got into the oscillator. 

rey soon gets the upper hand, knocking kylo to the ground. he slowly gets back up and continues fighting. he hears a pleading in his mind. astrid. 

he falls once again, screaming in pain. the wound stretching across his face sizzling. the ground splits in half, separating the two on opposite ends. rey runs off.

*********

more flowers and happiness play through astrid's mind. she's dreaming. she knows this because the girl is not her. the girl, looks like kylo, but with astrid's green eyes. she runs up to a pair of legs and hugs them. a hand runs through the child's hair, before blackness engulfs all. 

astrid is then standing in a large room, with a throne in the middle. kylo is standing there, his lightsaber crackling with life. tears fill his eyes as he walks up to astrid, and sticks the blade through her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF PART ONE


	7. RECOVERY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so begins the last jedi time period:)

KYLO JOLTS AWAKE, his dream of killing astrid with his saber made him sweat. he's still in the medbay of snoke's destroyer, and he hasn't heard about astrid. he's asked, but no one has given him answers. kylo's wounds still ache. he's so angry with himself. he knew he shouldn't have gotten caught up with astrid. he might have been able to stop rey, from hurting her...

no. he needs to focus on his training. he can't keep allowing her into his mind. his feelings are stretching far beyond a dyad in the force...

kylo gets up from his bed, wincing at the pain in his stomach. he tries not to open his wound as he limbs out of his room. one of the nurses runs up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"master ren... you need to go lay down..." she says quietly.

he shakes his shoulder and her hand falls off. "i need to see my apprentice."

"sir i can bring her to you. you can risk reopening your wound. please get back in bed." 

kylo glares at her, flinging her away from him and into a desk. he limps back into bed, pulling the sheets up over his chest. his door opens a few moments later and he sees her. she's in a white gown and in a wheelchair. her face lights up when she sees kylo. he waves and she rolls up to his bed.

"how are you?" she asks. 

kylo shrugs. "i have a lot of stitches, and my face hurts like a bitch... but i'm okay."

"my leg hurts, but she missed my bone. so it's just muscle that needs to heal. also my arm is healed a lot already. they just don't want me to walk on it yet." astrid plays with her hands in her lap.

kylo shivers under the sheets and an awkward silence fills the room. kylo moves the sheet off of him to show astrid the bandage on his stomach. she gets up and limps over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed. she touches his broad chest, a blush coating her cheeks. kylo then moves over in the bed, biting his lip. astrid lays back and looks at kylo's face. his wound has bandage over it, some secluding his eye. astrid reaches up and trails a finger down the white cloth, down his neck and to his chest. 

suddenly, kylo grabs her hand. astrid frowns and looks at him, tears forming in his eyes. "get out..." he whispers

"why? i thought you wanted—" she starts.

"get out!! get away!" he yells, tears falling from his eyes.

astrid scrambles to the wheelchair and begins to roll out of the room, not before saying, "i knew it was too good to be true..."

kylo growls and hits his stomach, causing his wound to bleed. nurses run in and try to restrain him, but he pushes them away. kylo hates himself at this moment, things don't feel right in his head. he wants to hold astrid, he wants to make the supreme leader proud, but he feels he can't do one without hurting the other.

then there's his father. it causes a disassociation to think about the fact that he killed him. he's dead. his mother... 

kylo doesn't even notice the small hands of the nurses on him, and the one sedating him where he slowly falls to sleep.

**********

astrid sits in a chair, while a medical droid opens up her leg and begins to fuse muscle together. she bites her lip to try and keep from screaming in pain. she doesn't want kylo to know she's hurting, she wants to block him out of her mind and avoid him for as long as possible. she thought their kiss as too good to be true, and she was right. 

ezra and owen came to see her as often as they could. owen was injured on starkiller, but he has since recovered. she learned that ezra had been promoted. she was proud of him, but she could tell he wished allana was by his side. 

"fuck!" she cries out

"sor-ry" the droid's robotic voice mutters. "done." it quickly leaves the room.

a nurse comes in and covers astrid's wound after stitching it up. "you're all set. you can leave if you'd like. we're going to give you a cane to keep the weight off."

astrid nods and the woman leaves. the door opens and astrid groans when she sees who it is. "general."

"hello... astrid..." he says through his teeth.

he looks down at her exposed thigh and she lifts his head up with the force. "keep your eyes up. what do you need?"

a blush covers his pale skin. "you've been discharged, yes?"

astrid nods. "the supreme leader wants to speak with you." he says 

astrid sighs. "is kylo going to be there?" 

hux shakes his head. "he reopened his stomach wound and needed surgery. he needs more time to recover. you are ready to get back on your feet and the supreme leader requests that."

"okay." she says quietly.

hux quickly leaves. the nurse enters with a set of black robes, a pair of slip on shoes and astrid's cape. she smiles small staring at it. she missed the fabric, and the way it made her feel. 

the nurse gives her a rundown of cleaning and helps her out of the chair. another brings in a cane. astrid takes it and scoffs. "i'm going to look weak." she says 

the women say nothing before exiting. astrid dresses herself and opens the door. she sees kylo who looks at the open door, cold expression on his face. he was being wheeled from somewhere. astrid shakes her head and limps out of the room. 

slowly, she made her way up to the throne room. she was nervous to meet the supreme leader in person. they were on his ship and she did serve him, so it was to be expected at some point. the elevator shoots her up and she looks around, leaning against the wall. kylo didn't even look like he cared about her, it hurt her.

the doors open and astrid limps through, feeling useless without a weapon attached to her hip. the doors open and astrid walks in. the room is massive. mostly black with splashes of red, and of course, the large throne in the center, with the decrepped figure in gold robes. guards in red stand around the perimeter of the room.

astrid bows her head once she is close to the man. "astrid... how are you child?" he asks

"i'm alright sir, just feeling really weak right now." she says, head still bowed.

she's lifted into the air gently, cane falling to the ground. astrid looks up and sees herself being pulled close to snoke. he looks her over and fear fills astrid's veins. "no need to fear... i've just never seen you before. i'm looking at what i have to work with."

he pauses before summoning one of his guards. "get her a chair. we have much to discuss..."

the guard runs off and astrid hangs in the air for a moment. "you went to see ren?"

astrid nods. "he requested me to see him, and then kicked me out."

snoke laughs and nods. "sounds just like him. i don't think he understands having affection for someone very much."

astrid laughs lightly, and is lowered to the ground in a chair. the guard also hands her her cane. she nods at them and they return to their position.

"astrid... kylo ren has disappointed me... he let a scavenger get away, who didn't even know of her strength in the force. he thought that killing his father would be enough to please me, but it will never be..."

astrid watches snoke choose his words carefully. "he feels too much pull to the light. we need to get him on the right path. i feel the darkness in you... it surrounds you in every way, but there is still light. we need to exterminate that. because today, i was shown you on the throne. no kylo ren. just you..."

astrid begins to laugh. "i'm sorry!? there's no way..."

"yes... you are the rightful leader of the order. if something happens to me... you are to gain all control. i saw other things though... things that might intimidate you—"

"please tell me." she interjects. "i need to know..." 

"you... you will kill both the scavenger and... kylo ren."

snoke's words hang in the air. astrid's hands shake, but she takes a deep breath in and tries to mask it. "what else?"

"your origins... i understand you questioned ren about them?" snoke feels astrid's change in personality, she's much more obedient after the mention of the commander.

"yes sir... someone on takodona told me things. about someone named obi wan kenobi? kylo told me she wasn't right—"

"she was right. you are the granddaughter of the jedi obi wan. he was killed by darth vadar, and he served the republic for a long time. he was a strong force user, like you. he mentored darth vadar, before he turned to the dark. your family tried to keep you hidden, especially from being taken by our order. they failed though, because here you are." 

astrid's jaw hangs open. tears well in her eyes. "wh-why would kylo..."

"he wanted to keep you from knowing your strength. he's scared you'll take his position—"

"sir if i may interject..."

"you have several times already. if i didn't like you i would have snapped your neck for that." he snaps with a cold tone. 

astrid bites her lip, so hard she draws some blood. "i was wounded by someone so weak. how can i be superior to kylo ren?"

"you battled the traitor with just a blaster. while he had a lightsaber. that's much more impactful than ren losing to someone who had never held a saber before." snoke pauses. "we're done here. rest up."

astrid gets up and bows to him, and limps out of the room. she makes her way to her quarters and throws herself on the bed as soon as she can. she slowly drifts to sleep.

*******

two weeks pass. kylo has fully recovered, and astrid has been training nonstop trying to regain her strength. owen and ezra have been helping her get back to her full potential. the supreme leader has been working with kylo to craft astrid's lightsaber, after telling kylo his mask was ridiculous, he was mistaken about kylo being a new vadar, and of all... that he failed and astrid appeared better in his eyes.

kylo could sense astrid in a training room, metal box in hand. he no longer has his mask, he destroyed it in a fit of rage. kylo moves the box to rest on his arm and opens the door, seeing astrid kicking and punching at a mat owen was holding. when astrid sensed kylo, she didn't stop, she pushed herself harder and went faster, panting and sweating from the exertion.

owen had noticed kylo though, and had stopped to stare at him, which caused him to get punched in the face and knocked on the ground. astrid gasped and got down next to him.

"shit! i'm sorry!" she touches his cheek

kylo feels something bubble up in his chest. jealousy?? no... it couldn't be...

he clears his throat. "leave us." he says to owen

astrid frowns, glaring at kylo, while owen pulls himself to his feet and walks out the door. kylo sets the box down on a nearby table, back turned to astrid.

"i hear you've been working very hard..." he says softly 

"i hear you've been destroying property, as usual." she snaps back, standing up and walking to the table to grab some water.

he turns to look at her, jaw clenched. "i have something for you."

astrid scoffs. "what? another gift basket?"

"shut up!" kylo yells

astrid shakes her head, then walks over to grab the box, opening up the latch. kylo slams it closed and grabs her hand in his invisible grip of the force.

"i need to explain first." he says, anger in his voice.

"what's there to explain?" 

"a lot..." he releases his grip and runs a gloved hand through his hair. "the supreme leader and i crafted your lightsaber. that's what's in here..."

joy fills astrid. she's been dreaming of this for a while now, and wondered when she'd finally get her hands on it.

"it's a very simple design. not that anyone thought you couldn't handle something more complex, it's just you're used to something more simple, like a blaster. so this will be easy to get used to. it has a more modern hilt and is modeled after darth vadar's saber. red kyber crystal—" 

"just show me!!" astrid yells, excitement overflowing out of her.

kylo nods, and opens the box, taking out the saber and placing it in astrid's hands. she stares down at it for a moment, getting used to it's weight. it's not as heavy as she thought it would be, but not light either. she places it in her dominant hand and tries to swing it around, but it flies off behind her. 

astrid lets out a laugh, but retrieves it with ease using the force. she stares at it even more, before flipping it on. the red color glows on her face and a smirk appears with it. 

"i cannot wait to kill that scavenger with this..."


	8. DUEL

AN UNEASY FEELING seeps into kylo. the look on astrid's face when she held her saber made him nervous, but why? he shouldn't care about her. that'd be weak, just like his father was. not only did he kill ben solo, he killed han solo. there should be no good in him anymore, so why does he feel so conflicted?

kylo stands in his room, staring at himself in a mirror. he hates his appearance, especially now with the scar running through his face. he clenches his fists. that girl... he thinks to himself.

astrid's words replay in his mind. "i cannot wait  
to kill that scavenger with this"

after astrid had said that, he backed away and told her to meet him in his own training room tomorrow morning. he was not sure what to expect from her. would she be her sarcastic self? obedient? nervous? 

he shakes his head and slips out of his cowl, robes, gloves, and boots before climbing into bed. he still can't seem to turn his mind off but drifts to sleep.

*****

"don't hesitate! it needs to be done! redeem your place on the throne! become a sith!" a voice yells

kylo stands in a force held grip, on his knees and unable to move. someone is by his side, but he can only focus on the figure in front of him.

astrid.

her saber is lit, a smirk on her face, as she walks toward kylo. she lets out a sinister laugh and puts the blade by his throat.

"you'll never be the ruler of the galaxy. you'll never become stronger..." she says, as her blade connects with his neck, decapitating him.

his vision goes black, then he sees himself standing in a white abyss. he looks around and sees his father. kylo stares at him, heart pounding in his ears.

"whatever you need son... i'm always here..." he whispers.

*****

kylo pants, jolting awake. he's covered in sweat once again. his nightmares have been out of control, terrifying and usually following the exact path as this one has. he gets up and walks to his desk, quickly writing down in a calligraphy styled text what occurred. he sighs and looks at the clock in his room. he happened to wake up pretty early, but decided against going back to sleep. he walks into the refresher to take a shower.

just as kylo had waken up, astrid did the same. she was screaming and sweating, tears rolling down her cheeks. not only had killed kylo and rey in her dream, but also her own parents. she couldn't control herself. the darkness ate her alive. 

astrid pulled the covers off of her and put her feet on the floor, but gasps as she looks up, seeing rey in front of her.

"what the fuck?!" astrid quickly summons her saber and ignites it.

rey grabs her blaster and shoots. astrid winces and gasps, feeling as if the bullet entered her chest. she gets up and walks closer to rey, who is standing, panting, confusion in her eyes.

"tell me where you are." astrid says, trying to manipulate rey.

"i won't fall for your tricks again, you liar." rey spits, turning her back to astrid.

"really? cmon now rey... i thought we were friends?" astrid says with sarcasm dripping in her voice.

"i could have killed you." she says.

astrid stares at her. her surroundings cannot be seen, but rey seems to be glowing. she isn't wearing white anymore, but grey. she looks more stressed instead of young, and she's more pale then she was from not being on jakku. astrid cannot deny rey's beauty.

rey disappears as quickly as she appeared, and then she's gone. astrid deactivates her saber and paces around her room. her limp is minor now, no longer needing the cane she was given. she looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes, dull and pale skin, lanky figure, and messy hair. snoke's words plague her mind at this moment. she cannot fathom the idea of killing rey, and kylo... 

she shakes her head. i'll take my destiny as it comes... she thinks to herself. astrid gets ready for training, dressing in her normal attire and grabbing her blaster and saber, putting them in her belt, then pulls her hair into a ponytail. she makes her way to kylo's training room and sees him inside. he's at a punching bag, robes removed and in just a tank top. astrid feels her face heat up as she stares at his muscles. kylo had sensed and her was waving for her to come in.

she walks in and puts her hands behind her back, unsure of what to do. "you look awful." kylo says, turning to her.

astrid scoffs. "you don't look so hot yourself."

he sighs. "nightmares."

"me too. they haven't stopped since the forest..." astrid looks at him, he nods and motions to her.

"wanna take out your saber? i'm going to challenge you to a duel." he turns around and grabs his lightsaber off a table, swinging it around with ease.

astrid bites her lip. "are you sure about that? i mean i don't even know all of it's quirks and i don't want to get hurt or—"

energy crackles in the air, as astrid realizes kylo has lit his saber and has it by her throat. she sees something in him she hasn't seen before. fire. jealousy. anger. pain.

she ducks and lights her saber, blocking him from coming down on her. he smirks and swings again and again, astrid blocking each to the best of her ability. she jumps off the ground and swings at him. he dodges the attack and the two clash again, energy and sparks sizzling in the room. 

astrid can feel herself beginning to fatigue, but she knows she can't give up. she needs to fight like this is rey. that's how she has to look at it. she closes her eyes as she blocks a blow without knowing it's direction. she concentrates on all the energy in the room. she can feel all of kylo's emotions, surrounding him like dark clouds. she opens her eyes and sees kylo panting, staring at her. 

it's like a switch flips in her brain. astrid swings her saber rapidly, flipping it around in her hand. kylo is taken aback by her sudden outburst, but keeps up, swinging back. his mind wanders to his nightmare and he loses focus. astrid notices this and hits his hand with her saber. kylo screams in pain, and his saber clangs to the ground with a thud.

too bad it wasn't his chest you put that through. a voice echoes in her mind.

astrid gasps and quickly deactivates her saber, turning his off as well and watching the skin blister and bleed. 

"i'll be right back!" she says quickly, running to her room.

she has ointment from her arm wound in her refresher. it'll take the pain away and heal up his hand. she grabs it, and sprints past stormtroopers and officers. she makes one fall but she doesn't even care. she feels awful about hurting him. she runs back into the room to see kylo sitting in a chair, clutching his hand. astrid kneels down in front of him and snatches his hand. kylo watches, not saying anything. he feels stupid for letting his guard down. of course she would hurt him if the opportunity came.

"this is going to sting." she says, slipping off her gloves and scooping the ointment on her fingers.

she rubs it on his hand, and he mutters curses in pain, but eventually is soothed by it all. blood coats astrid's fingers with leftover ointment and she wipes it on her pant leg. she sits next to kylo's legs for a while, until he speaks.

"there's bandages in the drawers over there." 

astrid gets up and grabs them, sitting back down by him and wrapping his hand. 

"you didn't have to wrap it..." he says, looking down at her.

astrid looks up at him, a small smile on her lips. "i don't mind. plus i feel bad. i'm sorry commander..."

she looks down. kylo lets out a dry laugh, which causes her to look up again and frown. "astrid... you don't need to call me that. we're way past a formal stage."

she nods, blush coating her cheeks. "i was wondering something... kylo..."

he nods, watching her with curiosity in his eyes. he's trying to get inside her mind, but she's already gotten so good at shutting him out. 

"can the force summon people in front of you? like they're really there... and they can hurt you like they're right in front of you, but they aren't..." 

kylo's brows furrow. "what happened astrid?"

she plays with her hands, biting her lip. "rey. she was in my room this morning. but she wasn't really there. i couldn't see where she was, but she shot me and it felt like she hurt me but she didn't. and then she disappeared. it was like i was dreaming, but i know i was awake... i had just woken up from a nightmare and was going to the refresher—"

"so definitely not a force ghost..." he mumbles.

"what's that?" her interest peaked

"when someone has passed that is a force user, they can still project their power and energy into making contact with the world... and they can show themselves." 

"that's cool. i wanna do that." she smiles up at him.

she looks so young and innocent in kylo's eyes. she hasn't begun to understand the force, how much it's tearing him apart, and the obvious idea that someone is trying to connect her to rey. and that someone is trying to tear them apart.

"you can only do it when you're dead, astrid. we need you for a little while longer."

"you need me huh?" she teases

kylo rolls his eyes with a smile, about to respond, when a stormtrooper enters the room.

kylo's playful side immediately falters. he rises. "yes?" he asks

"general hux requests your presence in the command room. the resistance is departing from d'qar."

the stormtrooper leaves and astrid gets up. "do i come too?"

kylo nods. "yes. you should see what we're capable of. of course, if hux doesn't screw it up."

astrid laughs, a sound which makes kylo's heart flutter. "that would be a miracle."

the two get situated in their attire, and leave the training room. people part from them as they walk, intimidated by the commander and his apprentice. astrid wanders into their minds for a moment.

i wonder if she's more powerful then commander ren.

she's the one who took down that traitor stormtrooper with just a blaster?!

astrid smirks, their thoughts boosting her confidence. 

making their way to the observation deck, general hux turns around, jaw clenched.

"commander. i see you brought your apprentice." he says with annoyance in his voice. 

kylo nods, looking out the large window of the dreadnaught.

"are they fleeing from us?" astrid asks.

hux scoffs. "what do you think? we caught them in the middle of their evacuation. the other dreadnaughts are going to engage. we will destroy them today."

he's an idiot. kylo pushes into astrid's mind.

she smiles, looking up at him. his face shows no sign of their secret conversation, so astrid becomes neutral again.

"sorry general." she says. "i just need everything told to me. i am just a former stormtrooper after all."

hux glares at her. he wants to curse her out and tell her she's disrespectful, but he's distracted by the single lightfighter coming at them. astrid walks away, finding an open chair next to a technician. she sits down and watches them work, their body tense with her sitting next to them.

"relax. i don't have enough strength according to the general to hurt you. you'll be fine." she replies sarcastically.

kylo follows her down, shaking his head at her. astrid smirks, crossing her legs and cracking her knuckles. 

she watches the technician work, as the command area begins to erupt into chaos. astrid knows failure is coming. she pats the tech on the shoulder, before getting up and leaving. kylo follows her.

"where are you going?" he asks.

"i'm not going to watch that shit show." she replies, shrugging.

kylo nods. astrid looks into his deep brown eyes, to his pink lips, and the scar running down his face. she stands closer to him and whispers, "come to my quarters tonight."

she steps away, smiling, before walking off to who knows where. 

kylo's mind and heart race. she makes him so nervous, but so happy at the same time. he hopes that his dreams do not become a reality, and that she gets swallowed by the dark.


	9. THE NIGHT IN HER QUARTERS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild sexual content;)

KYLO FOUND OUT that the order can track the resistance through light speed in a last minute meeting with the supreme leader. he tried to hide his wound from astrid, but snoke noticed immediately. he again, told kylo how weak he was, and that his feelings were getting in the way. he told him to tell astrid to be prepared to take on the knights of ren tomorrow. in front of snoke and kylo.

in the elevator, he raged, slashing and destroying anything in his path. he had his ship prepared for him though, because he needed to take care of another thing standing in his way.

his mother.

general organa still had hope her son would come home to her, but kylo needed to show her that he son was no more. he needed to do something right. 

pilots were climbing into tie fighters, as kylo boarded his ship, flying out as soon as he could to challenge the resistance cruisers. 

"follow my lead." he says through the transmission.

he flies around and aims at one of the main ships, hitting it with ease. he learned to pilot from one of the best, his father.

he spins the ship around and around, firing nonstop and hitting every target. the resistance begins to speed away. kylo notices this and follows them, driving right by the windows and flying by. when he does this, general organa senses her son, as kylo senses his mother.

"ben..." she pushes into his mind.

tears slowly form in kylo's eyes, his name triggering something in him. kylo aims at his mother's ship. leia knows what he's capable of, and what he can do. she pleads in her mind that her son does not do this. kylo ignores her, gloved finger over the trigger. he's in perfect range to destroy her. destroy it all... but he can't... not only does he see her face and his fathers, but astrid's... her green eyes pleading with him.

he takes his finger off, watching as other ships take the shot he couldn't, and blow part of the ship to pieces, exactly where his mother was. kylo shakes in his chair, noticing general hux telling him to return to ship. he lets out an annoyed growl, but flies back to the docking bay.

when he lands, he is enraged. he storms past everyone and to his quarters, where he spends the rest of the day, slashing at walls on his way there.

astrid had no idea any of this occurred, until her data pad lit up. she moved it towards her with the force and looked at the message. 

resistance out of range. low on fuel. many members lost. kylo ren's piloting team damaged main ship.

just like what happened with rey, astrid is transported in front of kylo. he's destroyed something with his saber, but stops when he senses her.

"astrid..." he whispers.

"what happened kylo?" she asks, staring at him.

"nothing. but i guess this is what you meant about the scavenger showing up in your room." kylo walks into a room.

"i won't be able to come tonight... i have things to do..." he says, once away from anyone who could hear him.

astrid sighs. "i don't care how late it is... please kylo..."

kylo stares at her. the anger fades away from him about everything from the day. hux's failure, snoke, his feelings, his mother, the resistance.

all he can think about is making astrid happy. which is a shock to him.

"alright..." he says with a sigh.

a smile lights up her face, and then she vanishes. he sighs and sits down at his desk, looking through paperwork until his several meetings later that night.

********

astrid occupied herself as much as she could while waiting for kylo. she wrote in a journal, read some books kylo told her to, she ate in the mess hall, visited owen and ezra... but it was getting late. 0100 hours. sleep was going to overtake her in any second. she buried her face in her pillow, and closed her eyes.

a nightmare began almost immediately. rey and kylo were in front of her, forced in place. she holds her own lightsaber and kylo's. snoke is yelling something, muffled though. she shakes her head, then she feels him control her. she lights both saber's and stabs them both in the chest.

astrid wakes up with a gasp, to see kylo standing in front of her. his face is etched with concern. 

"you really should change your room code..." he says mater of factly.

astrid brings the back of her hand to her forehead and wipes the sweat from it. she leaps up from the bed and strips of her clothes.

"uh... astrid..." kylo says, watching her.

"just don't look! i sweat through these." she yells 

"i mean i have already seen you naked... you know..." he mutters.

she turns around and looks over his flushed face. "you're like a child! it's precious, really! i'm sure you've seen tons of women naked." 

she's down to a tank top and her underwear, but walks over to put on some cotton pants. she looks at kylo, who's now sitting on her bed, looking down.

"only two... and you're included in that." he looks up at her.

"i'm shocked! but i also suspect you scare women off. you're intimidating." she says, crossing the room to her kitchenette.

"i've never even really had... sex." 

astrid laughs from the kitchen, bringing two glasses of water into her bedroom. "i didn't say anything about sex, kylo."

"i-i know... i just..." he shakes his head. "what do you want anyways?"

he takes the glass of water and chugs it, like astrid is going to take it away from him at any moment. she sits across from him on the bed, legs crossed. 

"i don't really know you. we kissed, you saw me naked... you've thrown me around... just thought we could develop a friendship." she says, biting her lip.

kylo laughs coldly. "i've never had friends..."

"well you have one. me."

kylo feels something spark inside him. a childhood feeling. he smiles. something he hasn't done in a long time. astrid notices this and smiles too.

"you never smile... i like your smile... it's goofy." she jokes.

kylo rolls his eyes. he sets the empty glass on the floor. "i'm shocked you still have glasses after you destroyed everything."

"i have a bad temper..." she mutters.

"that's one way to put it." kylo jokes.

"you're annoying." 

"so are you."

kylo smiles again. "is this flirting?" he asks.

"you're so innocent!" astrid exclaims.

"it's not funny... ive devoted everything to the supreme leader. i never had time for..." he gestures to the two of them. "this."

"but you've made time now?" she questions.

"he'll be angry with me..." kylo says quietly, as if he'll hear him.

a silence falls over them before astrid decides to break it. "so who was the first woman you saw naked?"

kylo scoffs. "some random. picked up from a casino in canto bight. for one of my birthdays. the supreme leader said she was good. i guess she was..."

"so you lost your virginity to a prostitute?" astrid gawks.

kylo nods, shrugging. "it's not important to me... i guess it's one thing i won't have to worry about."

"well... i for one am experienced." astrid says this with a pride in her voice.

"are you now? how many men have you... had sex with..." he asks.

astrid holds up 3 fingers on one hand, and one finger on another. kylo points at the one finger. "a girl." she says with a shrug, putting her hands down.

kylo looks shocked by this, but doesn't say anything. "surprised?" she asks

he nods. "i didn't know people did that."

"not many. but who they are doesn't matter to me. i have an attraction for anyone really." she says 

another silence falls. "now... after that awkward conversation..." kylo says.

astrid laughs. "it was only awkward for you. virgin."

astrid pokes his chest when she calls him that. kylo takes her water that he didn't even notice she was floating in the air. he drinks it then floats the glass to the ground.

"so your name is ben? like your real name..." astrid says timidly.

kylo nods. "yes... but he's dead. never again. he was weak. a coward!"

astrid nods slowly, raising her hands up in defense. "okay. it was just a question."

kylo sighs, running a hand through his hair. "why do you care?"

"because i know nothing about you. i spend all this time with you and i've kissed you but i still know nothing. like i didn't know you could pilot."

"my father is... was, an excellent pilot." kylo bites his lip, as if to hold things back.

astrid moves right next to kylo, and hesitantly leans her head on his shoulder. "you can tell me..."

"no. i'm not weak..." he whispers, voice cracking 

astrid looks at him and sees tears threatening to spill from his eyes. she touches his cheek, and trails her fingers down his scar. the stitches had been removed and she could feel the indentation. she runs her finger under his eye as a tear falls down. kylo's face scrunches up, as he takes deep breaths, trying not to let more tears fall.

"telling me about your past does not make you weak... you have emotions can sometimes back you better." she whispers

"i wasn't lying... when i said i was being torn apart..." he whispers, bottom lip quivering.

"i know... it's okay." she whispers, placing her other hand on his other cheek, moving it down to touch his lips with her index finger.

she sighs, taking her hands away. "why would you kill him? you have a family. why would you want to take that away?"

confusion replaces anxiety on his features. "they sent me away. never cared for me. they held me back!" he stands up.

"why didn't you tell me who i am?! why did you lie to me?!" astrid's temper is flaring, her fists clench.

"he told me to! i obviously care about you and wanted to! you're so oblivious sometimes!" he yells.

astrid scoffs. "you are too, you idiot..."

astrid stands up and moves to kylo, her chest pressed against his. she leans up and presses her lips to his. kylo freezes, but eventually kisses astrid back. the energy in the room cannot be denied as the kiss becomes deeper and deeper, tongues roaming in each other's mouths. 

astrid pulls away for air and pushes kylo on her bed. he moves up near the top of the bed as astrid moves up to his lap. she sits in between his legs and runs her fingers through his hair. 

"astrid..." kylo whispers

"shhh... you deserve to feel okay... i wanna make you feel okay." she kisses his neck and kylo lets out a breath he feels like he was holding forever.

"you always make me feel okay..." he whispers, placing his hands on her hips.

astrid smiles. "that's good... i'm glad."

"i forgot... i have to tell you something." he says.

astrid nods. "you know my knights? the supreme leader wants you to battle them tomorrow. in front of us."

astrid freezes. she's heard the stories of the knights of ren. they're infamous for the murders they've committed across the galaxy and of course their strength. she does not want to battle them alone.

"i'm not ready..." she whispers.

kylo shakes his head. "yes you are. you're stronger than you think. don't let anything snoke predicted become a reality. you can control it..."

astrid's eyes widen and she nods. "yes... okay."

kylo's hands trail from her hips up to her face, where he pulls her in for another kiss. "by the way. i like this..."

astrid smiles. "you're becoming soft around me..."

"only for you though. no one else in the galaxy..." he whispers.

the two sit there for a moment before kylo speaks.

"i..." he sighs, closing his eyes. "i want you... is that bad?"

astrid blushes and shakes her head. "no. not at all. are you sure?"

he nods quickly. astrid kisses his cheek and nods. "okay."

she slowly takes off her clothes, allowing for some tension to form. kylo does not take his eyes off her. when astrid is fully exposed, she goes to cover herself with her hands.

kylo grabs them, and leans into her ear, whispering. "you know... when i first saw you, i thought you were the most beautiful girl in the whole galaxy..."

she shakes her head, face so red from embarrassment. she cannot believe that this is the same man who's raided planets and murdered innocents, someone who killed his own father, someone who seemed to be incapable of emotions, is being so vulnerable in front of her. 

he lets her hands drops as he leans forward, slipping off his black sweater. she hadn't even noticed how casual kylo was dressed until he took off the sweater. astrid was in awe of his body. he looked like a sculpture with his toned chest and muscular arms. she focused on his scars though, which made tears form in her eyes.

she touched his stomach, then his shoulders, and then his neck. all places marked by wounds that had healed. astrid then pressed her lips to every set of scars. kylo couldnt help but feel emotional. he couldn't remember any recent time where someone was so gentle with him. 

"your skin is too beautiful for these..." she whispers.

"so is yours..." he says.

he flips them so he is on top. he looks down astrid's body and kisses any visible scar he can see. she holds back a sob. no one has felt for her like this before. no one has taken time to care for her like this.

the sob escapes though and kylo looks at her. "why are you crying?"

she shakes her head. "no one has been this gentle with me before... ever."

kylo frowns, but realizes she's right. she's never really felt comfort like this. he wipes her eyes and intertwines a hand with his. "i'm sorry... i'm sorry you had to deal with all of that..."

his eyes fall to the large scar on her thigh from rey. he puts his other hand on the faint line and looks at astrid. "i couldn't protect you... i tried, but i couldn't..."

"kylo... you're ruining the mood. just shush." she says, her smile returning to her lips.

he nods and smiles himself, removing the rest of his clothing. with some time of figuring out that astrid was going to lead and that kylo was anxious, they continued their act. astrid was on top of kylo and he was a mess, panting and moving his hands all over her body, not being able to stop himself from touching her. he wanted to memorize every detail of her skin as she pleasured him. she buried her face in his neck when the pleasure became more intense. their bond was even more electric than before and emotions were so high.

the two never thought they'd be in this position. they never thought that this would be the outcome of their relationship, in just a short time. kylo became closer to someone quicker than he ever had in his entire life. he was falling for her. he couldn't deny it.

as they both came down from their highs, astrid laid next to kylo. he placed his hand on her cheekbone like he had in the past. she smiled and kissed him again. passion exploding between the two of them.

astrid pulled away, forehead pressed to kylo's. "are you going to push me away?"

kylo leans back, looking at her in the dark. "no."


	10. THE TASK

ASTRID WOKE IN the morning to an empty bed. kylo must have left after she fell asleep. she understood that, as them leaving together would be suspicious. she got up and took a quick shower, then entered her kitchen. she ate a small meal and dressed her basic attire. she stood in the mirror and looked at herself. she was glowing from last night and she didn't have a nightmare when she slept. she had a real life nightmare when she was grasped by an unknown figure and pulled into a force connection.

she tried to fight it, but couldn't. she all of a sudden felt controlled, like a task was placed into her brain. the pressure in her head made her scream as she felt her brain get pulled apart. it was just like her nightmares, where she couldn't get out of a dark trance. her orders were given to her, with threatening words behind them. she had no choice to listen to them. 

kylo had had an amazing sleep as well. he couldn't keep astrid out of his mind, he just hoped she wasn't angry with him for leaving in the night. he had a slight fear of her taking on his knights, but he knew she was strong. he first took a stop to watch training and work among his order. he was stopped though, when he felt himself being watched.

he turned around, and rey was standing there. kylo frowned. "why is the force connecting the three of us...?"

"murderous snake!" she yells.

kylo remains emotionless as she yells at him. "you're too late. you lost. i found skywalker."

"did he tell you what happened? the night i destroyed his temple. did he tell you why?" kylo questions, stepping closer.

he cannot see her surroundings, but knows she's away from others. "i know everything i need to know about you!" 

kylo smirks slightly. "you do?" he scans her "ahh you do. you have that look in your eyes, from the forest... when you called me a monster—"

"you are a monster." she spits 

he steps closer to her then whispers, "yes i am."

rey roams his features, and kylo just wants this to end. it does shortly after, but not until he is splashed by some water. he sighs, clenches his fist and then wipes his face. he knows he's a monster. he feels differently though, especially after his night with her. he doesn't want to be his usual self. the light and dark are doing a dance around him and astrid is somewhere on the outside of it. 

he feels snoke calling him to the throne room, so he makes his way up there. when the doors split apart, kylo immediately bows his head, and when he is near snoke, he gets to his knees.

"i sense conflict in you, young solo." snoke growls

kylo looks up at him. "sir... there is—"

"shut up!" snoke flings kylo backwards and into a wall.

kylo lets out a huff and sits up, looking at his master. "you're letting yourself get too close to the girl! you feel for her don't you?! you're a spitting image of your father! you're weak!" he yells.

kylo grabs his saber, but is forced off of it and thrown into the wall again, electricity coursing through him.

"now... if you're done with your tantrum. she should be here momentarily." snoke says

kylo gets to his feet just as his knights enter the room. the six of them bow their heads to him, before walking and bowing to snoke. then, astrid walks in.

her hair is pulled back into a tight bun. she doesn't look at kylo, she immediately approaches the supreme leader. bowing to him, she has excitement in her voice.

"it is an honor to battle in front of you sir. thank you for the opportunity." she says

"of course child... now, you will take on one at a time. are you ready?" snoke questions her

astrid looks up at him and nods. "of course."

she stands up and turns around, making eye contact with kylo. his heart races and he feels fear for her. astrid senses this and blocks everyone in the room from her mind except for him.

'i'll be fine. don't worry.' she pushes to him

'he's not going to have just one at you. he's lying...' kylo says back.

'i got it.' astrid snaps, glaring up at him.

she grabs her saber and ignites it, spinning in a circle at the six people around her. each of them takes out their weapons one at a time, some spinning them and others getting in a fighting stance. astrid smirks. "cmon guys. let's start this."

kylo has made his way over to the supreme leader. he stands next to him as snoke watches with excitement in his features.

the first knight attacks, club in hand, he swings at astrid. she blocks the blow with her saber and swings it toward his neck. the knight blocks this blow and the two block each other. astrid has heard of the knights being force sensitive, so she tries to block out her mind, as she takes control of the knight in front of her, stopping them in their tracks. the club is raised in the air, frozen. astrid walks around the knight and slashes the side of their arm, causing the club to fall and a yelp of pain be released into the air. 

another one immediately attacks. astrid jumps and flips in the air, landing behind the knight who slammed their weapon; an axe, into the wall. the knight swiftly pulls it out and swings it close to astrid's head. she dodges the blow by falling to the ground and taking her saber through their chest, as she slid through their legs and came out on the other side. the knight falls to the ground and astrid looks at snoke and kylo. snoke has a wicked smirk on his face while kylo's eyes are widen, shocked by what   
astrid could do. 

she senses two knights coming at her at once. she lets out a breath and moves her saber backwards, skimming the knight's leg, then picking up the other one with the force, flinging them into the wall. the other knights standing around both carried blasters. astrid disengaged her saber and pulled out her blaster pistol, loading it and pointing it at one of them.

"alright!" she pants, out of breath from the combat. "let's finish this."

she could sense the shock of the two that she could use a blaster. she shoots at the one standing in front of her, who quickly jumps out of the way and proceeds to shoot back at her. the bullet from the rifle skims her side, but she dodges it with ease. kylo clenched his fists as he watched her almost get shot. she glares at the knight and shakes her head. 

"nice try. now, it's my turn" she smirks and shoots at him.

this one is stronger though, he stops the bullet it the air and sends it back at astrid. she jumps over it and it explodes behind her, she lights her saber again sending it through the knight's arm. the final one begins shooting. they have a cannon on their arm and bullets are spreading out. astrid swings at every one with her saber and sends them all back at the knight, stunning them. 

astrid's breathing is fast as she stands among the mess. her lightsaber is in her left hand and the blaster remains in her right. she looks over to the throne and sees snoke standing, clapping.

"incredible! that was fantastic astrid! and you came out without a scratch!" a wicked smile is plastered on her face.

the knights who were not injured severely got up and helped the injured ones out of the room. snoke watched them and then waves astrid to him. she comes over and he smiles at her, putting a bony hand on her shoulder.

"what did you think commander?" astrid asks, turning to kylo.

he stares at her, saying nothing. she looks to the supreme leader. "may i have a moment alone with my master?"

snoke removes his hand and nods. astrid quickly walks out of the throne room and kylo follows suit. the second the doors close, kylo sighs.

"astrid..." kylo starts, but she cuts him off.

"did i do something wrong? because i'm pretty sure i kicked ass out there and you're acting like i got beat up." 

"he made them go easy on you!" kylo yells, causing astrid to jump.

"really?! because that looked exactly like what i've heard the knights do! why don't you believe in me?" she yells at him, tears brimming in her eyes.

"i do! that's why i'm yelling at you!" he sighs voice dropping to a whisper. "don't you see?? he's trying to tear us apart... he's been lying to you..."

"i don't believe you." astrid snaps, crossing her arms.

"astrid... i told you i wouldn't push you away... please don't push me away..." kylo's voice cracks and astrid looks at him.

his eyes are pleading as he reaches for her hand. astrid lets him take it and he brings the leather glove to his lips, kissing the top of it. astrid's eyes water and tears fall down her face. 

"your defiance will aid you, but also be your downfall..." kylo whispers against her hand, looking up at the strong girl in front of him

he takes his other hand and wipes the tears falling from her eyes. astrid wants to hold onto this moment forever, but the voice from earlier pulls at her mind. she doesn't even realize what she did until she sees the look of hurt on kylo's face.

she slapped him.

his hand falls from hers and he looks at her, a small smile crossing his lips. "you're too far gone... aren't you?"

"i am not weak." she spits

"i know... that's how i know you can get out of this..."

with that, kylo goes to the elevator. the door opens and he steps in, not looking at astrid as he descends down.

astrid walks back into the throne room, holding back sobs. "t-that was the hardest t-thing i've done..." she whispers, falling to her knees in front of snoke.

"you did so well child... your path to the throne is more clear then ever. do you feel the weight off your shoulders? your emotions were holding you back. now you're free, and you were told what you need to do. you've seen it in your nightmares and it was shown to you today. you have a destiny, astrid, or should i say... cassiopeia kenobi?"


	11. THE TRUTH

THE NEXT FEW days were a blur to the two force users. they didn't see each other, let alone speak to each other. astrid fought off every thought of kylo ren that entered in her mind, as she spent her days under snoke's wing. the "man" was weak, but not weak enough not send courses of electricity through astrid when she made a mistake.

kylo had been training on his own, his knights aiding him on occasion. meditation was becoming another key to his sanity. he was becoming more connected with the force again, but not the side he wished for. the light. it kept coming to him like a physical light right in front of him and he kept seeing astrid. he saw her smile, her beautiful eyes... all of her beautiful features. he saw his mother and father, leia crying and han hugging her after news of their son turning on the jedi was told to them.

this was all making kylo realize, he never killed ben solo like he thought, he just suppressed him, and astrid revived him. he wanted to tell her that, but first he knew he was a mess. the last 24 hours were spent training and sweating; he desperately needed to use the refresher.

kylo stood in the bathroom, remembering his kiss with astrid. he remembers tying the cape around her neck and not being able to get over the awe of her beauty. after he finishes in the shower, he looks in the mirror at the remnants of the love bites astrid placed upon his neck. he sighed, wiped his eyes as he didn't even know tears had fallen, and left the refresher, getting dressed and not being able to get the girl out of his mind, he feels a presence.

"i'd rather not do this now..."

"yeah, me too." he says, realizing that it was not astrid, but rey in front of him again.

"why did you hate your father—" she turns and sees kylo's bare chest, which stops her in her tracks. "do-do you have something, a cowl you could put on?"

kylo again, just stares at her. she reminds him of astrid in a way. rey isn't as driven as her, but has the same determination.

"why did you hate your father? give me an honest answer?"

"you had a father who loved you, he gave a damn about you!" she cries

"i didn't hate him." kylo says, gods he does not want to talk about this right now

"then why?"

"why what?" he says as rey sobs "why what? say it."

"why did you... why did you kill him? i don't understand..."

"no. your parents threw you away like garbage." he can feel something building in him, his anger, his hatred.

"they didn't!" she yells

"they did. but you can't stop needing them. it's your greatest weakness. looking for them everywhere, in han solo, now in skywalker."

"what's your weakness?" she asks.

kylo is taken aback by the question. he wonders if he made himself too vulnerable. "it must be that girl... she must be the one who made those marks on your body, why you feel like this..."

"enough!" kylo yells, he then sighs. "did he tell you what happened that night?"

"yes." she spits, kylo can tell it's not the correct story, or the story as he knows it.

"no... he had sensed my power, as he senses yours. and he feared it." kylo says, getting brought back into the days of ben solo in which he's tried to forget.

"liar." rey whispers

kylo moves towards her, then says "let the past die. kill it if you have to. that's the only way to become what you were meant to be."

rey looks shocked as she fades away. she can't stop thinking of the girl and her effect on kylo. she needed to get to her, see what she was doing to him because at this point rey could feel his accent to the light.

kylo slipped on a black cowl and grabbed his lightsaber and gloves before leaving his quarters. he knew exactly where astrid was. though their bond weakened, she never left him. he could always hear her and sense where she was no matter what.

he saw her walking from the mess hall. without a second thought, he grabbed her arm in a strong grip and dragged her to his quarters. she gasped in shock and tried to get free, but he was too strong. when they reached his room, she was pushed inside.

"what was that?!" she yells

"you and i need to talk." he says, gesturing to his bed. "sit."

she sighs and looks at him, sitting down. she couldn't say no to him anymore. well... she could but she didn't want to piss him off anymore.

"you have no idea what you're doing to me astrid..." he whispers. "i can't stop thinking about you... how worried i am for you. how much i care about you..."

he takes a deep breath and looks at the girl in front of him, her eyebrows furrowed and green eyes etched with curiosity.

"you do not understand this... us... how much this hurts me... you make me weak, but also strong—" he says.

"kylo... don't do this to me right now..." she whispers staring at him

"you don't know the things that have been kept from you. and i'm tired of lying to you because—" he pauses, takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "because i love you..."

astrid feels her heart drop into her stomach. no way does the most feared man in the galaxy love her. there's no way. her bottom lip trembles as she speaks. "w-what has been kept from me?"

kylo gets on his knees in front of her and takes her hands in his own. he removes both of their gloves and squeezes the bare flesh in his own. he rubs circles on her palm with his thumb and sighs. "you were never supposed to be in the stormtrooper program."

the words stab through astrid. she laughs ripping her hands from kylo's. "you're a liar." she spits

"i would never, ever lie to you..." he stands up and watches the confusion and anger spread across her features.

he paces the width of the room as he speaks. "when the order started taking children, someone heard about a possible force user. it was you. and then they found your home planet, taanab. immediately they were sent down to find you. but no one knew what you looked like, so the stormtroopers who took you just put you on the ship with everyone else. no one said they found a force user, and since it wasn't awakened in you no one knew it was you. the mission was considered a failure. they gave up hope for you, not even thinking you could have been among all those children..."

tears are streaming down astrid's face. she doesn't know if she should be angry or upset or disappointed. the voice in her head didn't tell her how to handle this. kylo goes to put his hand on her shoulder, when she stands up with a jolt, grabbing her lightsaber and ignites it, slashing at the durasteel in kylo's quarters.

astrid screams and sobs. her entire life... she was not supposed to be where she was. gods, she wasn't even supposed to be in the first order. she should be on taanab. her home. the sparks from her saber are flying everywhere and the wall emits a red glow. she turns off her saber and throws it. walking into kylo's small kitchen. she needed to break something.

"you're not breaking my stuff. you've done enough. stop." he orders

astrid growls and charges at him. she punches his chest. "you've ruined my life!" she yells.

"snoke! you! phasma! all of you bastards! i hate you all!!" her voice cracks as she yells, obviously exhausted from all the yelling.

kylo takes her verbal and physical beating. "the marks on my body! the emotional stress! never should have happened!!" her throat is raw but she doesn't stop.

"i hate them! i hate them all!" exhausted, she falls to her knees.

her knuckles begin to collide with the floor, skin breaking apart from the force. she doesn't care. she doesn't care about anything right now. she wants to be a little girl again, in that field. she wished her force abilities rose right then and there.

kylo sits next to her and grabs her wrists, looking in her eyes. "astrid... you were supposed to be the chosen one. i was your replacement because they couldn't find you."

knives stab into her chest. she tries to rip her arms free but kylo is too strong. ben solo... the man sitting in front of her, was also robbed like she was. he was supposed to be a good little resistance boy, probably a pilot, blowing up astrid. but now the two are on the same side, when both should have been in different spots.

astrid is exhausted. she's tired of fighting herself. fighting the voice in her head. fighting snoke. fighting kylo. fighting her feelings. fighting the resistance. all of it. she wants it gone.

"i-i ruined your life..." she whispers, looking at her lap.

kylo feels his heart twinge. "no..." he says quietly. "you've saved it."

her eyes and head whip up to him. he drops her wrists and crashes his lips to hers, kissing her passionately. astrid kisses back, fueling into the fire. the two sit on the floor kissing for quite awhile, until astrid pulls away.

"i-i was supposed to be with snoke..." she says, standing up.

kylo follows and shakes his head. "we have to clean those knuckles up. my wall needs to be fixed. no snoke today baby."

astrid blushes, but nods. kylo walks her to his bathroom, running the sink. he places her hands under the water and she flinches, but allows the water to seep into her skin. kylo grabs a washcloth, bandages, and alcohol from a closet in the bathroom,setting them on the counter. he takes astrid's wet hands out of water, laying her palms down and taking the washcloth to pat the water from the wounds. she can't take her eyes off of him as he works.

"you've done this before..." she says.

he nods. "i lose my temper too. i've had to teach myself."

she nods and he cleans the wounds with alcohol and wraps them. she smiles up at the man in black and he takes his hand, placing it on her cheek, rubbing her cheekbone.

"astrid... did you want—" he sighs. "did you want to spend the night?"

she raises her eyebrow. "you want me... to stay here?"

he nods. "i mean if you don't want to it's okay. i just know that what i've said is a lot. i want to make sure that you're okay. you'll break stuff or your own hands or something."

she lets out an airy laugh and nods. "you're probably right. i guess that sounds good."

kylo presses a kiss to her forehead and nods. "good."

he walks out of the bathroom and strips down to just his boxers, climbing into the bed. astrid, after a minute, walks in. she sees him in bed, his broad bare chest not covered by the sheets. he has a data pad in his hands and he's typing on it. he looks up and points a dresser on the far end of the room. "there's clothes in there."

she nods and takes off her clothes, opening the drawer and pulling out a sweater. it made her smile, picturing kylo wearing something like this. she puts it on and turns around. kylo looks at her and bites his lip.

"you look good in my clothes."

she shakes her head, walking to the bed and crawling under the sheets. she has her back to kylo, legs curled up to her chest. he puts the data pad on the nightstand next to him and turns to face astrid's back. he drapes an arm over her waist and buries his face in her nape, his breath leaving goosebumps on her skin. before she knows it, sleep overtakes her.


	12. BREAKDOWN

A LOUD WHIMPER jolts astrid from her sleep. she sits up and orients herself. she's in kylo's room, which freaks her out, but the whimpering once again anchors her to her surroundings. she turns to her left and sees kylo curled up in a ball, muscles tense but spasming. sweat covers his body, his bed head and mess of hair sticking to his face. his face contorts in either horror or some other emotion. astrid's heart begins to crumble as she's realizing he's having a nightmare.

"please..." he whispers in his sleep.

"kylo?" she says nervously.

silence. "kylo." more stern now.

he thrashes under the sheets, like he's fighting someone. he flops on his back, sheets twisted around him. "kylo!" astrid yells, panic seeping through her.

"i don't want to hurt you!" he yells out.

she grips his shoulder and shakes it. he's as still as a rock though. he's covered in sweat. she shakes him again, but climbs over his waist and grips his other shoulder.

"wake up kylo! please!" she yells, tears cloud her vision now.

it happens quick. a gasp. a scream. he jolted up so fast astrid flew backwards. the scream was loud and long, sounding strangled. kylo pants and astrid recovers, sitting up and setting a hand on his thigh. kylo sighs, flopping back onto the pillow. he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a growl.

"i'm so weak!" he yells.

astrid frowns, squeezing his thigh. "kylo... no you're not."

he looks at her, disgust in his features. astrid gives him a small smile and shakes her head. "you're so strong kylo..."

his face falls and he shakes his head. "i can't save you... it scares me."

"shhh..." she coos, standing up and going into his bathroom.

astrid goes to the tub and begins to run a bath for him. he gets up and walks into the bathroom, seeing her sit on the edge of the tub, watching the water fill.

"get in. you're going to relax..." she whispers.

kylo can't help but submit. he feels like a coward right now, his nightmare ripped through him, destroying some of the walls he was trying to rebuild.

he takes off his boxers and steps into the water. astrid looks around the bathroom and finds some special bath soap. she pours it in and bubbles begin to form in the water. she leaves, grabbing a glass from the kitchen and returning. she shuts the door behind her and takes off kylo's sweater and he undergarments, standing naked in front of him.

nothing at all feels sexual about this, it just feels vulnerable. astrid with all of her scars and marks of remaining strong. kylo with all of his emotions brimming at the seams. she takes some of the water running from the spout and runs the glass under it. she grabs kylo's shampoo opening it. kylo jumps when she pours the water over his hair.

"shhh..." astrid whispers.

when she thinks it's wet enough, she squirts the shampoo into her hands and rubs it in his hair and on his scalp. a soft groan releases from kylo's lips. astrid massages his scalp, wanting him to feel pampered and honored. she wants him to know she's right there for him, no matter what happens.

the voice who has been bickering at her comes to the front of her mind and screams at her to stop. astrid falls to her knees and yells out, pain seeping through her skull. kylo turns and reaches for her, but she flinches. the pain subsides and she turns back to him.

"sorry... just a headache..." she whispers.

"some how i don't believe that..." he says, relaxing back in the water.

astrid fills the glass again and pours the water down, moving the soap out of his hair. kylo has his eyes closed and is concentrating on seeing her. she looks beautiful, she is beautiful.

astrid lets out a laugh, blush coating her cheeks. "i can hear you silly." she jokes

"i know."

once all the soap is gone, she turns the water off, then climbs in with kylo, water overflows out and onto the floor. she sits opposite him, legs to the one side of the tub while his are to the other.

"now kylo... what were you dreaming about?" she asks quietly.

he sighs. "it was nothing."

"didn't sound like nothing."

"well trust me. it was."

"i'm trying to help you kylo." she says sternly.

"i'm trying to help you too, but you won't take it. you're suffering, being controlled. you need to get out of it." his voice drops to a whisper. "snoke was controlling me, but he doesn't have ahold of me any longer."

astrid wants to put her head under the water, block everything out and sink. kylo reaches for astrid's hands and takes them in his.

"are you mad at me?" he asks.

"does it look like it?" astrid snaps.

"don't be rude. it was just a question." he mutters.

"what were you dreaming about?" she asks again.

"you. you killing people. getting killed. and i couldn't stop it. like i can't stop anything else..."

astrid frowns and squeezes his hands. "i won't die. i promise."

kylo sighs. "everyone was trying to help me. my uncle, my father, my mother, my grandfather..."

astrid's brows furrow. "who's your grandfather?" she asks.

"darth vadar." he says, like it's nothing.

astrid moves farther away from him, off put by that truth bomb. "oh..." she whispers.

"do you know anything about him?" he asks.

"not much."

he nods. "he was a jedi before, and a damn good one. he was in love and it was part of his motivations, but she died. my grandmother died giving birth to my mother and uncle."

"when my grandfather heard of this, he became who he was known as. until my uncle reached into him and made him return to the light. you don't understand how hard it is for us to love astrid, let alone each other. it fucking scares me." he bites his lip.

"okay." she replies, taking a hand from kylo's and playing with the bubbles slowly fading out.

silence overcomes them for quite awhile, until kylo speaks.

"i killed my father..." he whispers.

astrid's eyes glue to him. he's looking down at the water, where his one hand is still holding hers. his body begins to shake and he squeezes astrid's hand. she squeezes it back as kylo ren breaks, and ben solo comes out.

"i killed my father." he says again, louder this time.

"kylo..." astrid whispers, squeezing his hand.

"i-i killed him..." his voice cracks, he's trying to hold back a sob, but he's losing the battle.

astrid repositions herself in the water, thankful the tub is big enough to hold the two, where she lays in between kylo's legs, resting her head on his chest. she can hear his heart thumping fast, and his breathing trying to keep up with it. she grabs both of his hands, intertwining their fingers and wrapping his arms around her.

"shhh... let it out..." she whispers.

he's silent for a moment, but then breaks. sobs shake his body, he cries out and yells. he mutters words of regret and anger, but astrid just squeezes his hands and keeps gently shushing him.

he takes his hands from hers, which causes astrid to sit up and turn to look at him. she can see all the tears rolling down his cheeks, his face flushed from both the bath and the force of holding back his sobs, and his dark brown eyes edged with red from the tears. kylo then wraps his arms around astrid, so tight she almost can't breathe and he buries his face into her shoulder-blade.

kylo sobs and sniffles. when he thinks he's composed himself, he falls right back into his head, thinking of almost killing his mother or stabbing his father.

"i-i ..." he chokes out.

astrid shushes him again. "don't talk... just take a deep breath... i'm right here."

kylo nods against her skin, pressing his nose right against her shoulder bone. astrid begins to shiver though, as the water is getting cold.

the two have been sitting in the water for a long while, so it made since for astrid to lean forward and let the tub drain. kylo didn't take his arms off of her as his sobs finally subsided. once she felt he was okay, she took his arms off of her and stood up, climbing out of the tub and then helping kylo out. she wrapped him in a towel and dried him off, smiling at how he was just letting her do all of this to him.

"l-let me..." kylo reaches for astrid, but she shakes her head.

"no. i'm taking care of you right now..." astrid says, dropping the towel and placing her hands on either side of kylo's jaw.

she traces over his cheekbones and he turns his head to kiss one of her palms. she shakes her head, water still dripping from her body and hair.

"go lay down okay?" astrid whispers, kylo's lips still pressed against her palm. "we're going to lay together for a few more hours."

kylo pulls away and nods, but not before pressing his lips to astrid's. she kisses him back, arms dropping to wrap around his hips. he goes to deepen the kiss but astrid pulls away.

"go lay down." she orders him, but in a kind and gentle way.

kylo goes into his dresser to pull out new clothes for himself and to rip off the sheets from the bed. astrid dries herself off and throws her hair into a bun on the top of her head. when she walks back into the bedroom, she sees kylo under the sheets with no shirt on. she pauses for a moment before getting on kylo's lap and staring at him.

she trails her finger down his scar, placing a kiss right above his eyebrow. she then kisses a spot on his neck, then his shoulders.

"astrid..." kylo whispers.

"shhh..." she says.

"am i gonna lose you?" he asks.

astrid pauses, climbing off his lap and throwing on his sweater again and her undergarments. "why do you think you'll lose me?"

kylo sighs. "who's in your head?"

astrid scoffs. "this again? c'mon kylo... i'm fine. i promise."

"i just don't want you to lose yourself. you know... the girl who is gentle and sarcastic—"

"i'm fine!" she yells, throwing her hands up.

kylo's eyes widen and he nods. "okay."

she sighs. "let's just not argue. okay?"

kylo nods. "yeah. i just want you to come here..."

astrid smiles and blushes. "okay softie."

kylo shakes his head as astrid gets into the bed once again. she pulls the covers around her and rests her head on kylo's chest, listening to his heart beat as she drifts to sleep.


End file.
